Tomorrow I'm moving from one Queen City apartment to another. I have moved more times then I can count. I've moved at least eight times since I moved to North Carolina in 1998. I'm sure I moved at least eight times before I moved to NC. Hopefully, this will be my last move.
In six months, I'll have a Masters degree, and hopefully a high paying job. I'll be able to afford my own house, and hopefully I won't have to move again. Or if I do move again, it will be to a larger house.
Luckily, in six months, we should be in a full blown recession. At least the housing market should be in the crapper. Which means too much supply and too little demand. So I can probably get a great deal on a house in six months. See, there are good things about a recession.
In six months, I should have a house, a good job, and a dog. I will have reached my zenith. I just have to be patient.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Dick
Its just funny to me. His mouth open as wide as possible, singing in perfect monotone, "Alleluia Alleluia".
At least Pastor Ward is from Albemarle. I can understand Pickler speech.
"Alleluia Alleluia!"
At least Pastor Ward is from Albemarle. I can understand Pickler speech.
"Alleluia Alleluia!"
I go to a Yankee church
I sat next to this old man named Dick, who I worked on a Habitat house with. We exchanged pleasantries....peace of the Lord, peace of the Lord.....and then we started singing the first hymn.
Dick is the worst singer I've ever heard in my life. He sings with a Yankee accent. And singing is a bit of a stretch. There is no difference between when he talks and when he sings. So I listened to "Alleliua alleliua" in a monotone Northern accent. It was pretty awesome.
Then another old man went to do the readings, and he had a super thick accent. We've been overtaken by carpetbaggers!
If I ever have children, I can't take them to Advent. Because they'll learn to speak with a Northern accent, and I'll have no idea what they're saying. And with a bunch of UConn fans descending on the Queen City for the football game on Saturday, I can't imagine it will get much better.
Dick is the worst singer I've ever heard in my life. He sings with a Yankee accent. And singing is a bit of a stretch. There is no difference between when he talks and when he sings. So I listened to "Alleliua alleliua" in a monotone Northern accent. It was pretty awesome.
Then another old man went to do the readings, and he had a super thick accent. We've been overtaken by carpetbaggers!
If I ever have children, I can't take them to Advent. Because they'll learn to speak with a Northern accent, and I'll have no idea what they're saying. And with a bunch of UConn fans descending on the Queen City for the football game on Saturday, I can't imagine it will get much better.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Benazir Bhutto: 1953 – 2007
Benazir Bhutto, a former prime minister of Pakistan, was assasinated earlier this morning. This is all truly sad.
No commentary right now. Just a sad, sad day.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Disgusting
Mike Huckabee is on CNN, giving an interview while pheasant hunting. Why is this legal? Shooting defenseless birds for what purpose, exactly? Aren't factory farm chickens and turkeys enough? Do we really have to slaughter every type of animal in the world?
Huckabee, being Huckabee, cracked jokes during his hunting trip. "These three birds..." Huckabee says, pointing to three dead pheasants, "said they weren't going to vote for me on Caucus night. See, if you vote for me, you live."
Is this scary to anybody else?
I'm so sick of these millionaire Republicans going off and playing hunter. (And for that matter, John Kerry and any other Democrat that hunts can f themselves). First of all, hunting is supposed to be used to supplement your food. Some people in this country genuinely don't have access to enough food. Some people genuinely live in areas without nearby grocery stores. Some people genuinely lack enough money to regularly buy meat and they use hunting to supplement it. MIKE HUCKABEE DOES NOT NEED TO HUNT TO SUPPLEMENT HIS DIET!
He's probably not even going to eat the animals he kills.
I'm a vegetarian for ethical reasons. And the largest reason is that I don't NEED to eat meat to supplement my food. I have easy access to large amounts of fruits, vegetables, breads, etc. Mike Huckabee doesn't NEED to supplement his diet with pheasant or deer or whatever other defenseless animal he gets off on killing.
And the fact that he JOKES about killing defenseless animals is disgusting. I will say right now, that I will not vote for any candidate that goes hunting. I will not vote for any millionaire that acts like they NEED to hunt. It is disrespectful to people that GENUINELY NEED to supplement their diet with hunting, in addition to being offensive to myself. As far as I know HRC, Obama, Edwards, etc, don't hunt like that idiot from Massachusets. But if I see someone with a D next to their name, I'm going to abstain.
Huckabee, being Huckabee, cracked jokes during his hunting trip. "These three birds..." Huckabee says, pointing to three dead pheasants, "said they weren't going to vote for me on Caucus night. See, if you vote for me, you live."
Is this scary to anybody else?
I'm so sick of these millionaire Republicans going off and playing hunter. (And for that matter, John Kerry and any other Democrat that hunts can f themselves). First of all, hunting is supposed to be used to supplement your food. Some people in this country genuinely don't have access to enough food. Some people genuinely live in areas without nearby grocery stores. Some people genuinely lack enough money to regularly buy meat and they use hunting to supplement it. MIKE HUCKABEE DOES NOT NEED TO HUNT TO SUPPLEMENT HIS DIET!
He's probably not even going to eat the animals he kills.
I'm a vegetarian for ethical reasons. And the largest reason is that I don't NEED to eat meat to supplement my food. I have easy access to large amounts of fruits, vegetables, breads, etc. Mike Huckabee doesn't NEED to supplement his diet with pheasant or deer or whatever other defenseless animal he gets off on killing.
And the fact that he JOKES about killing defenseless animals is disgusting. I will say right now, that I will not vote for any candidate that goes hunting. I will not vote for any millionaire that acts like they NEED to hunt. It is disrespectful to people that GENUINELY NEED to supplement their diet with hunting, in addition to being offensive to myself. As far as I know HRC, Obama, Edwards, etc, don't hunt like that idiot from Massachusets. But if I see someone with a D next to their name, I'm going to abstain.
My experience in a non-job qualifies me to be President
I don't know why I'm so anti-HRC these days. I think its because seeing Bill Clinton, all redfaced, and proclaiming his love for his wife is disgusting. Or it may be that her supporters are underwhelming. Barack Obama has Eric Michael Dyson, and John Edwards has Elizabeth Edwards who is officially registered as a pitt bull with the AKC. HRC has less convincing supporters.
Today on MSNBC, an HRC supporter was talking about how Hillary's time as First Lady makes her qualified to be President. "She met with foreign dignitaries, she passed out punch, she gave directions to the bathroom!"
First of all, First Lady isn't an actual job. We don't cut the First Lady a check. (If this is wrong, and Laura Bush is being paid right now, don't tell me, because I don't need the anuerysm). First Lady isn't a job. She's not even First Hostess. She doesn't take reservations, dammit! She's not going to check my coat when I go there in an alternate reality where I'm invited to the White House. The First Lady simply stands there and smiles awkwardly.
Wait a second. Maybe I'm wrong.
Doesn't being married to a CEO make you qualified to be a CEO? If I married a lawyer, wouldn't that mean I'd have a JD and my wife would have a MPA? If I married Andrew Sullivan, wouldn't my blog be pithier? If I married Guiliani wouldn't I get all his non qualifications? If I married Britney Spears, wouldn't my underwear all magically disappear? If I married my cat, wouldn't I gain the ability to clear rooms with my farts?
I guess I'm being too harsh. HRC probably learned a lot while she was laying in bed with Bill after their crazy Monkey Sex sessions. I'm sure she overheard a lot of conversations when she and Bill were in their afterglow.
Holy crap. Monica is qualified to be President!
Today on MSNBC, an HRC supporter was talking about how Hillary's time as First Lady makes her qualified to be President. "She met with foreign dignitaries, she passed out punch, she gave directions to the bathroom!"
First of all, First Lady isn't an actual job. We don't cut the First Lady a check. (If this is wrong, and Laura Bush is being paid right now, don't tell me, because I don't need the anuerysm). First Lady isn't a job. She's not even First Hostess. She doesn't take reservations, dammit! She's not going to check my coat when I go there in an alternate reality where I'm invited to the White House. The First Lady simply stands there and smiles awkwardly.
Wait a second. Maybe I'm wrong.
Doesn't being married to a CEO make you qualified to be a CEO? If I married a lawyer, wouldn't that mean I'd have a JD and my wife would have a MPA? If I married Andrew Sullivan, wouldn't my blog be pithier? If I married Guiliani wouldn't I get all his non qualifications? If I married Britney Spears, wouldn't my underwear all magically disappear? If I married my cat, wouldn't I gain the ability to clear rooms with my farts?
I guess I'm being too harsh. HRC probably learned a lot while she was laying in bed with Bill after their crazy Monkey Sex sessions. I'm sure she overheard a lot of conversations when she and Bill were in their afterglow.
Holy crap. Monica is qualified to be President!
If you suck, and your players are suspended....
does that mean you suck less, or suck more?
Florida State has suspended thirty-four players from the illustrious Music City Bowl. Four out of five offensive linemen have been suspended and they are losing thirty percent of their defensive production.
So I'm guessing they win, since those players suck? Wait, quarterback Drew Weatherford isn't suspended, so I guess they will lose.
Go Kentucky!
Florida State has suspended thirty-four players from the illustrious Music City Bowl. Four out of five offensive linemen have been suspended and they are losing thirty percent of their defensive production.
So I'm guessing they win, since those players suck? Wait, quarterback Drew Weatherford isn't suspended, so I guess they will lose.
Go Kentucky!
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Bat Cookies!
The highlight of Christmas was giving presents to the kids I babysit, Zach and Gwen. We got them a little train set, and a jungle play set. The jungle play set had a giant King Kong like gorilla and a bunch of other animals. There were also little bat circles that Zach said were "bat cookies." Zach proceeded to feed King Kong the bat cookies.
It was also nice to see Z&G's parents on the floor, playing with the toys along with us. There were four adults, with a combined two JDs, two PhDs, a MPA and five bachelor's degrees, but we were all on the floor, playing with Zach and Gwen and not worrying about work or politics or anything else.
That's all I want in my life. I want to go to work, come home, and play with "bat cookies" with a little boy and a little girl.
It was also nice to see Z&G's parents on the floor, playing with the toys along with us. There were four adults, with a combined two JDs, two PhDs, a MPA and five bachelor's degrees, but we were all on the floor, playing with Zach and Gwen and not worrying about work or politics or anything else.
That's all I want in my life. I want to go to work, come home, and play with "bat cookies" with a little boy and a little girl.
My coolness decreases at the same rate as inflation
My family and I don't have much in common, what with my emphasis on schoolin' and their emphasis on never accomplishing anything. Anyway, this is a gap that is not going to get any smaller. I speak the King's English, they use a series of guttural moans and grunts.
Some highlights:
1. I ask if I can pay a bet in 2020 dollars. ('Cause with inflation, 2020 dollars are worth less than present dollars. I know, I suck).
2. I ask my brother, who is now driving a black tinted Dodge Charger, when he stole a black tinted Dodge Charger. He claims he got it from a rental place. I ask said brother if he'll sale me some crack.
3. I bought XM radio for myself for Christmas. I listened to a League of Women Voters program on the 2008 election channel. I also listened to an interview with John Zogby, the pollster, (who thinks Edwards can still win) and a C-Span book TV program. I'm pretty sure my future children will be nerds, I'm just not sure what subgroup of nerd they will be in.
4. Another fun part about XM radio, making my brother Jason listen to Country music. There's like 8 country channels. Quoting Jason, "I mean, its cool that you listen to this stuff, but can you please play something else?" In the spirit of brotherly love, I turned up the radio and started singing Sugarland obnoxiously, "Why don't you STAY!!!!"
5. Brother Josh asks for the XM radio list. Jason hands him a bulletin from Advent. Josh says "This isn't the channel list. This is Jesus stuff." Jason hands him another bulletin. "This isn't it either. This is more Jesus stuff." I sing loudly to Little Big Town. "C'mon baby, give me a little more you!"
Some highlights:
1. I ask if I can pay a bet in 2020 dollars. ('Cause with inflation, 2020 dollars are worth less than present dollars. I know, I suck).
2. I ask my brother, who is now driving a black tinted Dodge Charger, when he stole a black tinted Dodge Charger. He claims he got it from a rental place. I ask said brother if he'll sale me some crack.
3. I bought XM radio for myself for Christmas. I listened to a League of Women Voters program on the 2008 election channel. I also listened to an interview with John Zogby, the pollster, (who thinks Edwards can still win) and a C-Span book TV program. I'm pretty sure my future children will be nerds, I'm just not sure what subgroup of nerd they will be in.
4. Another fun part about XM radio, making my brother Jason listen to Country music. There's like 8 country channels. Quoting Jason, "I mean, its cool that you listen to this stuff, but can you please play something else?" In the spirit of brotherly love, I turned up the radio and started singing Sugarland obnoxiously, "Why don't you STAY!!!!"
5. Brother Josh asks for the XM radio list. Jason hands him a bulletin from Advent. Josh says "This isn't the channel list. This is Jesus stuff." Jason hands him another bulletin. "This isn't it either. This is more Jesus stuff." I sing loudly to Little Big Town. "C'mon baby, give me a little more you!"
Sunday, December 23, 2007
People I hate more than Rudy Guiliani
God, I hate the NFL. Pro football is the worst sport ever. (Notice that it is better than baseball or hockey, which aren't actually sports). I would rather watch a Mountain West college football game than a non-Panthers NFL game. I hate, hate, hate the NFL right now.
I just hope that the Cowboys and the Patriots meet in the Super Bowl. And I hope their team planes crash on the way. I would rather watch Tom Brady, The Hoodie, and Tony Romo die in a plane crash than watch Rudy die at his latest mistress' house with a cucumber in his culo.
I just hope that the Cowboys and the Patriots meet in the Super Bowl. And I hope their team planes crash on the way. I would rather watch Tom Brady, The Hoodie, and Tony Romo die in a plane crash than watch Rudy die at his latest mistress' house with a cucumber in his culo.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Can't I escape this non-sport?
"You know, John McCain hopes he's like the Red Soxs in the, (insert whatever thing they won that they weren't suppose to win here) blah, blah blah."
Thus saith some random woman on MSNBC.
Can we not have sports analogies? You guys have journalism degrees. Can you please try a little harder?
Thus saith some random woman on MSNBC.
Can we not have sports analogies? You guys have journalism degrees. Can you please try a little harder?
Sunday, December 16, 2007
West By God Virginia
I am officially over my Clinton related seizure. I will try hard not to think about Bill, or HRC, or their beluga whale best friend, Al Gore. Instead, I will focus on the greatest news ever. West Virginia's head coach, Rich Rodriguez, is headed to Michigan to become Michigan's head coach. Which means West Virginia will get a new head coach.
As a point of reference, here is West Virginia's fanbase.
Without further ado, here are the leading candidates.
The banjo playing kid from Deliverance...
Joe Dirt...
Robert Byrd, douche bag Senator of WV...
The Minutemen Defense Squad. They can't stop immigrants, WVU can't stop anyone, its perfect.
Bobby Bowden. If he left one crappy, redneck academic rule for another, would anyone notice?
A burning couch for a coach.
The West Virginia coaching search. We're goin' make you squeal like a pig. SQUEAL!
As a point of reference, here is West Virginia's fanbase.
Without further ado, here are the leading candidates.
The banjo playing kid from Deliverance...
Joe Dirt...
Robert Byrd, douche bag Senator of WV...
The Minutemen Defense Squad. They can't stop immigrants, WVU can't stop anyone, its perfect.
Bobby Bowden. If he left one crappy, redneck academic rule for another, would anyone notice?
A burning couch for a coach.
The West Virginia coaching search. We're goin' make you squeal like a pig. SQUEAL!
So angry
Thanks a lot, Joe. Ruin my whole mood.
Okay, so now Bill Clinton is on TV saying how his wife is the most qualified candidate. Fantastic. A man who cheated on and humilated his wife is saying how qualified she is. HRC should have shot him or at least burned his clothes on the White House lawn. If Miranda Lambert had been First Lady, our image in the world would be much improved.
I have never hated Bill Clinton more than I do right now. It was really annoying last week when he said he was against the Iraq war the whole time, he just didn't say anything. But now, he's acting like this doting, loving husband. YOU CHEATED ON HER AND HUMILIATED HER IN FRONT OF 300 MILLION PEOPLE, YOU GODLESS, HEARTLESS, SHWJSIWERYUTRAAW!!*!!&#$
Sorry, I had a little seizure right there. Its just that I hate Bill Clinton right now. But, like his calculating wife, I'll probably take him back next week.
Okay, so now Bill Clinton is on TV saying how his wife is the most qualified candidate. Fantastic. A man who cheated on and humilated his wife is saying how qualified she is. HRC should have shot him or at least burned his clothes on the White House lawn. If Miranda Lambert had been First Lady, our image in the world would be much improved.
I have never hated Bill Clinton more than I do right now. It was really annoying last week when he said he was against the Iraq war the whole time, he just didn't say anything. But now, he's acting like this doting, loving husband. YOU CHEATED ON HER AND HUMILIATED HER IN FRONT OF 300 MILLION PEOPLE, YOU GODLESS, HEARTLESS, SHWJSIWERYUTRAAW!!*!!&#$
Sorry, I had a little seizure right there. Its just that I hate Bill Clinton right now. But, like his calculating wife, I'll probably take him back next week.
This one time, in Afghanistan
Evil Plants of Death
CNN is showing a special on Afghanistan. Apparently, the Taliban is making a comeback. Why? Because we don't have enough troops there. (I know where we could get a hundred thousand troops, but apparently that's not an option).
So what does an Afghani man or woman do for money these days? They grow poppies, which are turned into heroin. Growing poppies is 8 times more profitable then growing wheat in Afghanistan. What are we doing to stop it? We're going around trying to get rid of all the poppies! Perfect! No problems with this strategy!
This one time, there was this country called Columbia, and they manufactured a lot of cocaine. But luckily, Reagan formed the DEA, we defoliated large areas of the country (defoliated being a great euphemism) and today, theres, um, still a crapload of cocaine. Fortunately, we've killed a bunch of Columbians, which I'm sure is helpful somehow.
The problem with drugs isn't the supply, its the demand. It turns out that junkies will do a lot for cocaine or heroin. But rather than try and rehabilitate people, we burn down coca crops, or destroy farmland in Afghanistan.
Two things:
1. If you are a heroin addict, you'll do anything for heroin.
2. If you're starving and have no money, sometimes you're willing to grow plants that are, gasp, illegal.
I wish we could stop trying to solve every problem with force. Maybe some people use drugs because they are addicted to drugs, and they should be helped rather than sent to jail. Maybe some people grow drugs because they can't afford to grow anything else, and we should give them alternatives. (And by alternatives, I mean real jobs, not wheat. I swear to God, our country has told people to grow bananas instead of cocaine and to grow wheat instead of opium. These are supposed to be Adam Smith free market people, but apparently, they don't understand their own theories).
Or maybe not. Maybe people are just weak, lazy and/or evil. Yeah, that's probably it.
Lieberman Endorses McCain
In 2000, he was the Democratic Vice Presidential Candidate. Now, Joe Lieberman is endorsing John McCain, a Republican, and a bat sh*t crazy Republican at that. All I have to say is.....
F*ck you, Joe Lieberman.
F*ck you, Joe Lieberman.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Death to Baseball
I was trying to watch MSNBC this week, so that I could see the lowest pulling data. HRC, Edwards and Obama are all within the margin of error now in Iowa, and this is exciting for me. But instead of something about HRC imploding, there's some dumb report about how baseball players are using steriods. And I thought....
WHO CARES?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Baseball isn't a sport. Its not. Its a game where one guy throws a ball, and the other guy tries to hit it with a stick.
This bears repeating: Its a sport where one guy throws a ball, and the other guy tries to hit it with a stick.
WHY IS THIS ON MY TELEVISION?!?!?!
And this wasn't just on ESPN, it was also on CNN, MSNBC and FOX. And these guys use steriods to rehab faster, not to do anything interesting. There still little, insignificant people. These are athletes who couldn't play basketball or football.
Lets do a quick exercise. I'll show a baseball player on steriods, then someone who plays an actual sport.
Andy Petite. OH MY GOD, he's HUGE!
LSU's Glen Dorsey.
Barry Bonds.
Shaq.
I wish this retarded non-sport would go bankrupt all ready. This is America. Lets stop with this nonsense.
Oh, and one other thing.....The reporters kept making a big deal about the length of the steriods report. "The Mitchell report is 400 pages long...." etc.
Um, 400 pages isn't long. Read a book, morons.
WHO CARES?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Baseball isn't a sport. Its not. Its a game where one guy throws a ball, and the other guy tries to hit it with a stick.
This bears repeating: Its a sport where one guy throws a ball, and the other guy tries to hit it with a stick.
WHY IS THIS ON MY TELEVISION?!?!?!
And this wasn't just on ESPN, it was also on CNN, MSNBC and FOX. And these guys use steriods to rehab faster, not to do anything interesting. There still little, insignificant people. These are athletes who couldn't play basketball or football.
Lets do a quick exercise. I'll show a baseball player on steriods, then someone who plays an actual sport.
Andy Petite. OH MY GOD, he's HUGE!
LSU's Glen Dorsey.
Barry Bonds.
Shaq.
I wish this retarded non-sport would go bankrupt all ready. This is America. Lets stop with this nonsense.
Oh, and one other thing.....The reporters kept making a big deal about the length of the steriods report. "The Mitchell report is 400 pages long...." etc.
Um, 400 pages isn't long. Read a book, morons.
Friday, December 14, 2007
I am the smartest man alive!
Not really. But I did make an A in Public Finance and Budgeting. Which makes me incredibly happy because, 1. I shouldn't have made an A in Budgeting, and 2. I can now make more money.
I can calculate the Coefficient of Dispersion, mutha fcka!
Don't ask me about Mill rates! I kill punks over Mill rates!
WHABACHA!!!!!!!!
We're going to Concord, and Charlotte and Mecklenburg County! We're going to be mid-level bureaucrats! We're going to make more money than our white trash heritage should allow us! Most importantly, we're going to dance through the isles at Wall Mart while people we went to high school with are forced to be nice to us!
WHABAWHABAWHABAWHABACHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
I can calculate the Coefficient of Dispersion, mutha fcka!
Don't ask me about Mill rates! I kill punks over Mill rates!
WHABACHA!!!!!!!!
We're going to Concord, and Charlotte and Mecklenburg County! We're going to be mid-level bureaucrats! We're going to make more money than our white trash heritage should allow us! Most importantly, we're going to dance through the isles at Wall Mart while people we went to high school with are forced to be nice to us!
WHABAWHABAWHABAWHABACHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Huckabee: It gets worse
Mike Huckabee on gay servicemen, aka people who are willing to die for our country.
"I believe to try to legitimize that which is inherently illegitimate would be a disgraceful act of government. I feel homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural and sinful lifestyle, and we now know it can pose a dangerous public health risk."
I don't know what the most disgusting part of all this is. I just think its fundamental though. If you think that homosexuality is aberrant, unnatural, sinful and a PUBLIC HEALTH RISK, then you have a completely different world view from me and I would appreciate if you wouldn't run for public office.
Is it possible we're becoming less enlightened as the years go on?
"I believe to try to legitimize that which is inherently illegitimate would be a disgraceful act of government. I feel homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural and sinful lifestyle, and we now know it can pose a dangerous public health risk."
I don't know what the most disgusting part of all this is. I just think its fundamental though. If you think that homosexuality is aberrant, unnatural, sinful and a PUBLIC HEALTH RISK, then you have a completely different world view from me and I would appreciate if you wouldn't run for public office.
Is it possible we're becoming less enlightened as the years go on?
Monday, December 10, 2007
A few more
Toby Keith rocking the Larry the Cable Guy look.
Mullettastic!
It looks like he's taking a crap. An American Crap!
Just kidding, Mr. Keith. I totally agree with all your views. Please don't kill me.
Mullettastic!
It looks like he's taking a crap. An American Crap!
Just kidding, Mr. Keith. I totally agree with all your views. Please don't kill me.
So confused
I was flipping through the channels, and I saw something that hurt my head. It was on CMT. Specifically, it was Toby Keith singing "Frosty the Snowman". I think my IQ just went down by 100 points.
To review.....
This is Toby Keith.....
And this is Frosty the Snowman.....
Toby Keith......
Frosty the Snowman.....
Toby Keith........
And the Snowman......
I have nothing else to say. My brain hurts.
To review.....
This is Toby Keith.....
And this is Frosty the Snowman.....
Toby Keith......
Frosty the Snowman.....
Toby Keith........
And the Snowman......
I have nothing else to say. My brain hurts.
Potter and Clay
At the Bethlehem reenactment, one of the shop owners was a potter. He talked about how sometimes there would be a flaw in a pot. But instead of throwing it away, the potter reshapes the clay until the flaw is no longer there.
And the shop owner talked about how God does that with us. That sometimes we have a flaw, but God doesn't just throw us away. God will reshape us if we let Him and will make us into a better vessel.
I hope that God can help me rework my flaws into something better. That's my prayer right now.
And the shop owner talked about how God does that with us. That sometimes we have a flaw, but God doesn't just throw us away. God will reshape us if we let Him and will make us into a better vessel.
I hope that God can help me rework my flaws into something better. That's my prayer right now.
Beggars and Bums
I went to an outdoor event in Harrisburg. It was a recreation of Bethlehem by one of the Baptist churches. Basically, you go in, the "tax collector" takes your money, you write down your name for the census and then you go into the village. The village has a bunch of little shops, bakers, fishermen, carpenters, etc. And throughout the village are a bunch of guys dressed as Roman soldiers who periodically arrest people.
The Roman soldiers and the Jewish reenactors are all very annoyed by "beggars", a few dirty looking kids that beg for change. The beggars are treated horribly, hit, harassed and sent on their way. I couldn't help but think how horrible the whole thing was. How could people be so cruel to these beggars?
Then I realized, we do the exact same thing to homeless people. Of all the offensive things I've heard over the years, the most consistent disgust seems to be reserved for the homeless. Even people that I've known that I would never expect to say anything racist or misogynist will talk bad about homeless people. And God forbid if you give them a dollar.
Do I give homeless people change or a couple of dollars? Yeah, I do. Now two conditions have to be met first. One, I have to actually have money in my wallet, and that's not something I usually have. I habitually put everything into my bank account. I've even made the people at First Charter count my change. So I need to have actual paper money first. Then I have to actually see a homeless guy. So this doesn't happen very often.
But if I do see someone, and I have a dollar or two, I'll give it to them. And you know what? If they buy some cheap alcohol with it, so be it. These are people that are exposed to the elements all day. If they want to get a cheap buzz, fine. Besides, alcohol isn't their problem. Lack of money and a home is their problem. Because believe me, I know plenty of alcoholics that hold down jobs.
I don't know why we have to be so mean to people. Its not like these guys are going to live forever anyway. If some vet has lost it, and stays out on the highway, who am I not to help him out? Plus, I don't know if you realize this, but Jesus and most of the saints relied on other people for money/food. Jesus may have been a carpenter, but its not like he was doing general contracting while he was preaching.
One other thing, somewhat unrelated. When we were going through Bethlehem village, all the reenactors kept talking about the Roman soldiers taking all their money in taxes and not leaving them with enough.
My liberal nature crept up pretty quickly. I was thinking, "Yeah, but the Romans provide roads and national defense, and infrastructure projects are a great way to alleviate localized poverty...."
The Roman soldiers and the Jewish reenactors are all very annoyed by "beggars", a few dirty looking kids that beg for change. The beggars are treated horribly, hit, harassed and sent on their way. I couldn't help but think how horrible the whole thing was. How could people be so cruel to these beggars?
Then I realized, we do the exact same thing to homeless people. Of all the offensive things I've heard over the years, the most consistent disgust seems to be reserved for the homeless. Even people that I've known that I would never expect to say anything racist or misogynist will talk bad about homeless people. And God forbid if you give them a dollar.
Do I give homeless people change or a couple of dollars? Yeah, I do. Now two conditions have to be met first. One, I have to actually have money in my wallet, and that's not something I usually have. I habitually put everything into my bank account. I've even made the people at First Charter count my change. So I need to have actual paper money first. Then I have to actually see a homeless guy. So this doesn't happen very often.
But if I do see someone, and I have a dollar or two, I'll give it to them. And you know what? If they buy some cheap alcohol with it, so be it. These are people that are exposed to the elements all day. If they want to get a cheap buzz, fine. Besides, alcohol isn't their problem. Lack of money and a home is their problem. Because believe me, I know plenty of alcoholics that hold down jobs.
I don't know why we have to be so mean to people. Its not like these guys are going to live forever anyway. If some vet has lost it, and stays out on the highway, who am I not to help him out? Plus, I don't know if you realize this, but Jesus and most of the saints relied on other people for money/food. Jesus may have been a carpenter, but its not like he was doing general contracting while he was preaching.
One other thing, somewhat unrelated. When we were going through Bethlehem village, all the reenactors kept talking about the Roman soldiers taking all their money in taxes and not leaving them with enough.
My liberal nature crept up pretty quickly. I was thinking, "Yeah, but the Romans provide roads and national defense, and infrastructure projects are a great way to alleviate localized poverty...."
10 billion here, 10 billion there
UBS, a Swiss bank, just wrote off 10 BILLION dollars in losses.
Whoops.
Whoops.
Sweet Beautiful Irony
Dr. James Watson is what is scientifically referred to as a "douche bag". His major contributions to science have been validating idiotic racist thoughts. The Noble prize winning geneticist is "inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa". Why? Because "black people, overall, are not as intelligent as whites".
Now Dr. Watson is about a million years old, and I'm not going to hold being a racist against him. I mean, he shouldn't be a racist, but I'm pretty sure that if you're white and you were born before 1950, its kind of unavoidable. So the fact that he thinks black people are unintelligent is unsuprising, seeing as he was born, I'm assuming, in 1823, and as, I'm assuming, a cousin of Thomas Jefferson, he couldn't avoid being an ignorant racist.
But in the subtle, moving way that God works, the Almighty, I assume, told Dr. Watson to allow his genetic code to be researched. And it turns out that Dr. Watson is 1/16th black, meaning one of his great grandparents was of African descent.
I'm not sure what this means. But I think that Dr. Watson has two choices: Either race doesn't have an impact, or he's actually 1/16th dumber than he thought he was.
Now Dr. Watson is about a million years old, and I'm not going to hold being a racist against him. I mean, he shouldn't be a racist, but I'm pretty sure that if you're white and you were born before 1950, its kind of unavoidable. So the fact that he thinks black people are unintelligent is unsuprising, seeing as he was born, I'm assuming, in 1823, and as, I'm assuming, a cousin of Thomas Jefferson, he couldn't avoid being an ignorant racist.
But in the subtle, moving way that God works, the Almighty, I assume, told Dr. Watson to allow his genetic code to be researched. And it turns out that Dr. Watson is 1/16th black, meaning one of his great grandparents was of African descent.
I'm not sure what this means. But I think that Dr. Watson has two choices: Either race doesn't have an impact, or he's actually 1/16th dumber than he thought he was.
Can we calm down about gay people, please?
Gay people are very different from straight people. For example, a gay guy likes other guys while a straight guy likes girls. Don't know if anyone's broken it down like that, but I'm here to help. Its not a big deal. Some guys like blondes, some like brunettes, some like other dudes. Some guys like passive housewifes, some like lawyers, some like, you know, penises. Thats it.
I'm not a big fan of having sex with other guys, so I don't do it. And believe it or not, there aren't two gay guys having sex on my front porch right now. If I go to a park later, there won't be a bunch of guys making sweet man-love in front of the children. Its really not a big deal.
If gay guys want to get married, let them. If you have a problem with this, you're an ahole for two reasons: One, you think gay people don't deserve the same rights, and Two, you think someone else's marriage has anything to do with you. Grow up and calm down. Freak out about something else, please. The Chinese are posioning our children! Dora the Explorer has lead paint! The only thing a gay dude will teach your kid is how to dress better.
I'm so sick of the nonsense we're perpetuating. I can't believe that at the end of 2007, gay people are second class citizens. Why? Can someone please explain this to me? Why aren't they allowed to get married?
Marriage, if you didn't realize it, isn't about reproduction. Its supposed to be about love. There was a couple at church that had just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. I'm pretty sure they can't make a child at this point. Should they be forced to get a divorce? Of course not.
Another thing, gay people can get married in one state. Do you know how absurd this is? I'll explain how absurd it is. First, its not like gay guys have sex in front of the Boston magistrates in order to prove that they are, in fact, gay. Which means that Hunter and I can go to Massahucets and get married. For jokes. And it wouldn't count in any other state. (We have talked about doing this while we were drunk. It is, at the very least, an amusing idea).
They're just people. Calm down. Let them have the same rights. If you think God has a problem with gay people, let God deal with it. God didn't seem to have a problem with his Son not reproducing, which seems to be the big hangup for these people. If you think gay people are going to Hell, um, don't have sex with another guy, and you won't go to Hell.
By the way, in addition to the whole "not laying with another man" thing, you're also not allowed to eat pork. So don't get mad at someone because they like sausage when you eat sausage too, hypocrite!
I'm not a big fan of having sex with other guys, so I don't do it. And believe it or not, there aren't two gay guys having sex on my front porch right now. If I go to a park later, there won't be a bunch of guys making sweet man-love in front of the children. Its really not a big deal.
If gay guys want to get married, let them. If you have a problem with this, you're an ahole for two reasons: One, you think gay people don't deserve the same rights, and Two, you think someone else's marriage has anything to do with you. Grow up and calm down. Freak out about something else, please. The Chinese are posioning our children! Dora the Explorer has lead paint! The only thing a gay dude will teach your kid is how to dress better.
I'm so sick of the nonsense we're perpetuating. I can't believe that at the end of 2007, gay people are second class citizens. Why? Can someone please explain this to me? Why aren't they allowed to get married?
Marriage, if you didn't realize it, isn't about reproduction. Its supposed to be about love. There was a couple at church that had just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. I'm pretty sure they can't make a child at this point. Should they be forced to get a divorce? Of course not.
Another thing, gay people can get married in one state. Do you know how absurd this is? I'll explain how absurd it is. First, its not like gay guys have sex in front of the Boston magistrates in order to prove that they are, in fact, gay. Which means that Hunter and I can go to Massahucets and get married. For jokes. And it wouldn't count in any other state. (We have talked about doing this while we were drunk. It is, at the very least, an amusing idea).
They're just people. Calm down. Let them have the same rights. If you think God has a problem with gay people, let God deal with it. God didn't seem to have a problem with his Son not reproducing, which seems to be the big hangup for these people. If you think gay people are going to Hell, um, don't have sex with another guy, and you won't go to Hell.
By the way, in addition to the whole "not laying with another man" thing, you're also not allowed to eat pork. So don't get mad at someone because they like sausage when you eat sausage too, hypocrite!
I heart Huckabee (not really)
Sometimes, in my darker moments, I think, "I could vote for a Republican. I'm not really that partisan. I'm just waiting for Bloomberg to run, blah, blah, blah."
I know its not true. I'd never do it. Well, unless there was a pro gay rights Republican. But it turns out that pro gay rights Republicans are called "Democrats". Anyway, I look at Mike Huckabee and think, maybe I could get behind this guy.
Mike Huckabee for the record is:
1. Against torture (how did this become a litmus test in The United States of Orwell anyway?)
2. For preventative health care.
3. Less hateful of immigrants, depending on the day.
4. Very charismatic.
5. Not George W Bush.
In our new country, the USO, a guy like this is a breath of fresh air. He won't torture and might not invade Iran! He's practically George McGovern! I think he used to read Marx!
But then Mike says stuff like this:
"If the federal government is truly serious about doing something with the AIDS virus, we need to take steps that would isolate the carriers of this plague."
What decade is this? Seriously? Quarantine AIDS patients? Don't let them out in society, God forbid!
My God.
I know its not true. I'd never do it. Well, unless there was a pro gay rights Republican. But it turns out that pro gay rights Republicans are called "Democrats". Anyway, I look at Mike Huckabee and think, maybe I could get behind this guy.
Mike Huckabee for the record is:
1. Against torture (how did this become a litmus test in The United States of Orwell anyway?)
2. For preventative health care.
3. Less hateful of immigrants, depending on the day.
4. Very charismatic.
5. Not George W Bush.
In our new country, the USO, a guy like this is a breath of fresh air. He won't torture and might not invade Iran! He's practically George McGovern! I think he used to read Marx!
But then Mike says stuff like this:
"If the federal government is truly serious about doing something with the AIDS virus, we need to take steps that would isolate the carriers of this plague."
What decade is this? Seriously? Quarantine AIDS patients? Don't let them out in society, God forbid!
My God.
Hilary Losing It
You would think that with the resources and the brain trust that Hillary Clinton has, she wouldn't have to jump the shark. But she's losing it, her campaign's losing it, and she's about to free fall.
The thing that upsets me the most is the pettiness of it all. The personal attacks are cheap, and most of all stupid. This is something that wouldn't work in the Concord High School Class President race.
Apparently Obama is secretely a Muslim intent on destroying America. I shouldn't have to say why this is horrible.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071210/ap_po/clinton_obama_religion
And saying Obama is too ambitious because he wrote an essay when he was in kindergarten saying he wanted to be president. What a crock of s**t.
http://blogs.chicagotribune.com/news_columnists_ezorn/2007/12/hillary-as-kind.html
The thing that upsets me the most is the pettiness of it all. The personal attacks are cheap, and most of all stupid. This is something that wouldn't work in the Concord High School Class President race.
Apparently Obama is secretely a Muslim intent on destroying America. I shouldn't have to say why this is horrible.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071210/ap_po/clinton_obama_religion
And saying Obama is too ambitious because he wrote an essay when he was in kindergarten saying he wanted to be president. What a crock of s**t.
http://blogs.chicagotribune.com/news_columnists_ezorn/2007/12/hillary-as-kind.html
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Why Women Shouldn't Date Republicans
This is all Andrew Sullivan, not me. I wish I could claim it, but I cannot.
Q: Why do you never want to date a Republican?
A: Because they always say they're going to pull out and they never do.
Q: Why do you never want to date a Republican?
A: Because they always say they're going to pull out and they never do.
Oh Yeah
I was wondering how Concord/Cabarrus County could lose 60 million dollars simply because of, um, mass retardation? Complete lack of sense? Horribly widespread amateurism? A lack of actual brains?
Then I remembered. One of our County commissioners solicited a prostitute with a check. Coy Privette, formerly the president of North Carolina's Christian Action League, was charged with six counts of aiding and abetting prostitution.
Per the Charlotte Observer;
"The charges stem from a Kannapolis bank contacting police about a suspicious check written off Privette's checking account...the check investigation led detectives to Tiffany Denise Summers and "illegal activity" in Salisbury. Kannapolis called Rowan District Attorney William Kenerly, who asked the State Bureau of Investigation to investigate. Warrants issued by the SBI Thursday accuse Privette of paying Summers for sexual acts from May 4 through June 25 in a Salisbury hotel room. A witness listed on the warrants is a narcotics investigator for the Kannapolis Police Department. Summers was charged with six counts of prostitution, according to the warrants....
Summers has previous convictions of drug possession, prostitution and possessing stolen goods, according to court documents. Last month, Salisbury police officers picked her up near a hotel where rooms are rented by the hour. Salisbury officers have arrested her several times for drug activity, said Salisbury Police Chief Mark Wilhelm. In one case, court documents show Summers was found with a man's Wachovia teller card."
C'mon Republican County Commissioners. Pay your hookers with CASH.
Then I remembered. One of our County commissioners solicited a prostitute with a check. Coy Privette, formerly the president of North Carolina's Christian Action League, was charged with six counts of aiding and abetting prostitution.
Per the Charlotte Observer;
"The charges stem from a Kannapolis bank contacting police about a suspicious check written off Privette's checking account...the check investigation led detectives to Tiffany Denise Summers and "illegal activity" in Salisbury. Kannapolis called Rowan District Attorney William Kenerly, who asked the State Bureau of Investigation to investigate. Warrants issued by the SBI Thursday accuse Privette of paying Summers for sexual acts from May 4 through June 25 in a Salisbury hotel room. A witness listed on the warrants is a narcotics investigator for the Kannapolis Police Department. Summers was charged with six counts of prostitution, according to the warrants....
Summers has previous convictions of drug possession, prostitution and possessing stolen goods, according to court documents. Last month, Salisbury police officers picked her up near a hotel where rooms are rented by the hour. Salisbury officers have arrested her several times for drug activity, said Salisbury Police Chief Mark Wilhelm. In one case, court documents show Summers was found with a man's Wachovia teller card."
C'mon Republican County Commissioners. Pay your hookers with CASH.
Thanks Bruton!
Concord/Cabarrus County are only hiring maintenance positions. No analysts, no HR positions, no strategic planning, only cops and maintenance. Now I do believe that a cop is more useful than a Budget Analyst and that someone in facilities maintenance is as useful as a Budget Analyst. But still.....
I'll just have to work for Charlotte/Meck County. Sure, it pays more, I'll have better benefits, an easier time being promoted and the behemoth of resources that comes from 750,000 taxpayers. And I'll be able to eat food that I want to eat rather than going to Moe's five times a week.
It would be nice to at least CONSIDER working for my hometown.
Oh well. I guess you can't give 60 million dollars in incentives AND give me a job. I hear you, Charlotte. I'll be there in five months.
I'll just have to work for Charlotte/Meck County. Sure, it pays more, I'll have better benefits, an easier time being promoted and the behemoth of resources that comes from 750,000 taxpayers. And I'll be able to eat food that I want to eat rather than going to Moe's five times a week.
It would be nice to at least CONSIDER working for my hometown.
Oh well. I guess you can't give 60 million dollars in incentives AND give me a job. I hear you, Charlotte. I'll be there in five months.
This might be bad
but I'm determined to make at least ten thousand dollars a year more than my brother, once I graduate in May. I do honestly need the money. I don't exactly have an extravagant life, but living in the QC isn't cheap either. I've been poor for a very long time, and I don't intend to continue being poor after I have a MPA.
I could actually make twenty thousand dollars a year more than my brother once I get out, without having to go to the private sector. I love Jason. I would do anything for him. But I want to make a lot more than him. I know he's thirty and I should be happy for him if he makes more than me, but I'm going to have a masters.
It will really help my self esteem if I can say that I make ten grand more than him.
This may be bad, but its the truth. There are mitigating factors: I'm giving 10 percent to Advent, and once I pay off my car, there's at least a fifty-fifty chance that I'll give Jason the Taurus, but mostly I just want to know that I'm making way more money than anyone in my family.
I could actually make twenty thousand dollars a year more than my brother once I get out, without having to go to the private sector. I love Jason. I would do anything for him. But I want to make a lot more than him. I know he's thirty and I should be happy for him if he makes more than me, but I'm going to have a masters.
It will really help my self esteem if I can say that I make ten grand more than him.
This may be bad, but its the truth. There are mitigating factors: I'm giving 10 percent to Advent, and once I pay off my car, there's at least a fifty-fifty chance that I'll give Jason the Taurus, but mostly I just want to know that I'm making way more money than anyone in my family.
Public Budgeting
is actually a lot of fun when you know what you're doing.
Holy crap, I'm lame. Um, hold on, I can fix this.
LSU SUCKS!!!!!!! So do the Patriots!!!!!!
Ugh. I guess I'll just be lame.
Holy crap, I'm lame. Um, hold on, I can fix this.
LSU SUCKS!!!!!!! So do the Patriots!!!!!!
Ugh. I guess I'll just be lame.
Wally World
The fine folks at Wal Mart sell His Dark Materials, the atheist books that include the Golden Compass. Wal Mart also sells rap music, South Park and other questionable material for a corporation with such an ingrained "family" image. I remember liberals whining about the close minded, intolerant, censoring old Wal Mart. Apparently its not an Evil Conservative Corporation. Its just a Normal Soulless Corporation that will sell anything if people will buy it. (Note, I'm not saying a bookstore should or should not sell Ludacris CDs or His Dark Material, I just think Sam Walton would have said no).
What doesn't Wal Mart sell? Calculators. Thanks Wally World! Lets teach the kiddies how to kill God but lets not teach them how to work with numbers! And thanks to Dr. K for assign budgeting exercises dealing with tens of billions of dollars so that I had to buy a new calculator.
Lame. Super lame.
What doesn't Wal Mart sell? Calculators. Thanks Wally World! Lets teach the kiddies how to kill God but lets not teach them how to work with numbers! And thanks to Dr. K for assign budgeting exercises dealing with tens of billions of dollars so that I had to buy a new calculator.
Lame. Super lame.
Positive things
I gave two units of blood yesterday. Not two pints, because they gave me back my plasma or something. They hooked me up to some machine and a bunch of tubes, and separated my red blood cells and plasma (I think) and then shot my plasma back into me. I did feel like a jerk though. When the Red Cross registered me, it showed that I haven't given blood since 2002. I thought about all the degenerate, quasi criminal things I've done since 2002. Wasted time and what not.
Anyway, I'm going to give blood again in 112 days. It takes about an hour and a half to give two units, and I've been crazy sore for the past two days, but its something I need to do. Besides, I think if I stay better hydrated next time, I can avoid a lot of the aches.
I'm not going to not give blood again because my limbs are sore. I was talking to Pam, the woman that organized the blood drive for Advent and she was talking about how her husband was in a motorcycle accident and lost both of his legs. I can't imagine someone needing blood because they are in a wreck or they were shot and me saying "sorry, my arms and my toes will hurt if I give blood".
Positive thing #2
I was working on my Public Finance assignment and I realized I had no idea what I was doing. Normally, I would just try to fake my way through it and hope to get a B. But then I realized that I babysit for two professors and so I asked them for help. Needless to say, two PhDs are better than three fourths of a Masters, and they were able to help me out.
Positive thing #3
I have a really old email account and therefore I get a ton of spam. I get weird Viagra emails a lot and I get some weird porn emails by people who don't know how to spell. These emails are disgusting. At this point though, I feel guilty having this stuff at all. Before I would just delete them and be done with it. Now I delete them as soon as possible and I feel apprehensive until they're gone. What if someone knew I was getting bizarre misspelled porn spam? I would feel so embarrassed!
Its like I'm becoming a functional human being.
Also, I was at Total Wine buying, um, wine with my roommate and the cashier was flirting with me. I wasn't with her. I felt like I had a promise ring on my finger that was burning. I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I did have to smile and be nice, because I couldn't run out of the store without paying. But I felt intense guilt for no real reason.
This is good training in case I ever get married. Although I don't know why I would appeal to any woman, its good to know I would feel guilty talking to anyone that wasn't my wife or long term girlfriend.
Feeling guilty about stuff, feeling like I HAVE to give blood or I HAVE to go to church is probably the best feeling I've had in a very long time. The guilt is actually liberating, giving me a sense of purpose that my degenerate family has not given me. God it feels good to feel guilty!
Anyway, I'm going to give blood again in 112 days. It takes about an hour and a half to give two units, and I've been crazy sore for the past two days, but its something I need to do. Besides, I think if I stay better hydrated next time, I can avoid a lot of the aches.
I'm not going to not give blood again because my limbs are sore. I was talking to Pam, the woman that organized the blood drive for Advent and she was talking about how her husband was in a motorcycle accident and lost both of his legs. I can't imagine someone needing blood because they are in a wreck or they were shot and me saying "sorry, my arms and my toes will hurt if I give blood".
Positive thing #2
I was working on my Public Finance assignment and I realized I had no idea what I was doing. Normally, I would just try to fake my way through it and hope to get a B. But then I realized that I babysit for two professors and so I asked them for help. Needless to say, two PhDs are better than three fourths of a Masters, and they were able to help me out.
Positive thing #3
I have a really old email account and therefore I get a ton of spam. I get weird Viagra emails a lot and I get some weird porn emails by people who don't know how to spell. These emails are disgusting. At this point though, I feel guilty having this stuff at all. Before I would just delete them and be done with it. Now I delete them as soon as possible and I feel apprehensive until they're gone. What if someone knew I was getting bizarre misspelled porn spam? I would feel so embarrassed!
Its like I'm becoming a functional human being.
Also, I was at Total Wine buying, um, wine with my roommate and the cashier was flirting with me. I wasn't with her. I felt like I had a promise ring on my finger that was burning. I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I did have to smile and be nice, because I couldn't run out of the store without paying. But I felt intense guilt for no real reason.
This is good training in case I ever get married. Although I don't know why I would appeal to any woman, its good to know I would feel guilty talking to anyone that wasn't my wife or long term girlfriend.
Feeling guilty about stuff, feeling like I HAVE to give blood or I HAVE to go to church is probably the best feeling I've had in a very long time. The guilt is actually liberating, giving me a sense of purpose that my degenerate family has not given me. God it feels good to feel guilty!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Golden Compass Article
Two articles actually.
First one from The Atlantic Online.
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200712/religious-movies
And one from Christianity Today. Its a very thoughtful article, not a Catholic League freak out.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/december/12.36.html
A couple of highlights. In the third book by the author, the little girl actually kills God. The author is a very straightforward atheist. The movie is much more convuluted in an attempt to not offend anyone (although I think its more offensive to pretend that the book isn't about atheism).
Basically the author says things like "Chronicles of Narnia is the Christian one. Mine is the non Christian one." There's also a pretty creepy part where the main character in the movie, a preteen girl may or may not have had sex which helps kill God.
I don't mind that the guy's an atheist. That's his choice. Its just that the movie is being marketed in the Narnia/Lord of the Rings vein. Which its not. I wouldn't want my kid seeing the movie and then reading the books.
No Golden Compass for me.
First one from The Atlantic Online.
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200712/religious-movies
And one from Christianity Today. Its a very thoughtful article, not a Catholic League freak out.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/december/12.36.html
A couple of highlights. In the third book by the author, the little girl actually kills God. The author is a very straightforward atheist. The movie is much more convuluted in an attempt to not offend anyone (although I think its more offensive to pretend that the book isn't about atheism).
Basically the author says things like "Chronicles of Narnia is the Christian one. Mine is the non Christian one." There's also a pretty creepy part where the main character in the movie, a preteen girl may or may not have had sex which helps kill God.
I don't mind that the guy's an atheist. That's his choice. Its just that the movie is being marketed in the Narnia/Lord of the Rings vein. Which its not. I wouldn't want my kid seeing the movie and then reading the books.
No Golden Compass for me.
Why I'll never be a professor
Student: Jeremiah, how do I do bivariate crosstabs?
Me: Its just regular cross tabs with only two variables instead of more. Just like bivariate regression is two variables and multivariate is more than two.
Student: So how many variables do I put in?
Me: Only two for bivariate.
Student continues to look confused.
Me: Its two, like bisexual.
Student suddenly understanding: Ohhh!
Two things to take away:
1. We need to increase our admission standards.
2. I can never be a professor. Which means my clever plan to take Dr. Wright and lower my gpa has paid off!
Me: Its just regular cross tabs with only two variables instead of more. Just like bivariate regression is two variables and multivariate is more than two.
Student: So how many variables do I put in?
Me: Only two for bivariate.
Student continues to look confused.
Me: Its two, like bisexual.
Student suddenly understanding: Ohhh!
Two things to take away:
1. We need to increase our admission standards.
2. I can never be a professor. Which means my clever plan to take Dr. Wright and lower my gpa has paid off!
Monday, November 26, 2007
Great job, morons!
There's a really big Speedway in Concord. Its been there for a long time. The guy who owns the Speedway didn't want to move it until the officials in Concord, who are in fact complete morons, annoyed him. Being the good Capitalist that he is, the owner of the Speedway threw a tantrum and threatened to move.
But don't worry! The Speedway is staying! For the low low price of 80 MILLION dollars! Hurray! Its really awesome that Concord gets to spend 80 MILLION dollars completely unnecessarily!
Its a little inaccurate though. Because North Carolina is going to pay 20 million. So Concord's bill is only 60 million. I'm sure they've got an extra 60 million dollars around here somewhere.
What can you buy with 60 million dollars? Not much. I mean, you could fully fund the police and fire departments for two years with 60 million dollars. 60 million dollars is almost two years worth of property taxes (property taxes are 36 million a year). Its also almost SIX years of sales taxes. I'm pretty sure we could have built a school or two for 60 MILLION dollars, but lets not be negative! People will love to pay higher taxes because their city officials are morons!
On another note, Charlotte just had 100,000 people ride the light rail the first weekend it was opened. Its almost like Charlotte has itself together. Oh yeah, it does. Maybe I should move from Concord to Charlotte. Oh yeah, I already did.
Morons.
But don't worry! The Speedway is staying! For the low low price of 80 MILLION dollars! Hurray! Its really awesome that Concord gets to spend 80 MILLION dollars completely unnecessarily!
Its a little inaccurate though. Because North Carolina is going to pay 20 million. So Concord's bill is only 60 million. I'm sure they've got an extra 60 million dollars around here somewhere.
What can you buy with 60 million dollars? Not much. I mean, you could fully fund the police and fire departments for two years with 60 million dollars. 60 million dollars is almost two years worth of property taxes (property taxes are 36 million a year). Its also almost SIX years of sales taxes. I'm pretty sure we could have built a school or two for 60 MILLION dollars, but lets not be negative! People will love to pay higher taxes because their city officials are morons!
On another note, Charlotte just had 100,000 people ride the light rail the first weekend it was opened. Its almost like Charlotte has itself together. Oh yeah, it does. Maybe I should move from Concord to Charlotte. Oh yeah, I already did.
Morons.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Things Scarier Than Toys of Death
1. Rudy Guiliani.
2. Hunter's credit.
3. My entire family.
4. This weird mayonnaise I saw at a Mexican food store that is flavored with lime.
5. OE.
6. Tequila.
7. Gin.
8. My cat's farts. (Trust me).
9. Dr. Wright.
10. Rudy Guiliani.
2. Hunter's credit.
3. My entire family.
4. This weird mayonnaise I saw at a Mexican food store that is flavored with lime.
5. OE.
6. Tequila.
7. Gin.
8. My cat's farts. (Trust me).
9. Dr. Wright.
10. Rudy Guiliani.
We're all going to DIE!!!!!!
I do love CNN. In my deepest darkest fantasy, I tie up Anderson Cooper who is wearing a gimp outfit. Then Wolf Blitzer, dressed as a naughty nurse, announces that he's hear to give everyone prostate exams. Then Larry King, dressed as Larry King, tells me he's going to put a cigar in a very naughty place. We all love each other with the love that dare not speak its name. Later, Ted Turner, dressed as an angry cowboy, tells us that he's not paying us to "stem the rose".
So basically, I love CNN. But there may be problems with CNN, such as the fact that it is run by morons and bases its marketing on fear mongering. Irans going to blow us up! All the polar bears are dying! Spinach gives people AIDS! And today, we're all going to die from TOYS!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!
The title of CNNs expose: Trouble in Toyland; Recalls, Fears and Solutions.
It should be called: We're Douche Bags; Scarying You Unnecessarily Since 1980.
Look, we're not going to die from Bob the Builder. Your kids are not going to die, and if they do, they'll get hit by a car or kidnapped by some pedophile. They aren't going to die because of lead poisoning. Hell, tons of rich people live on Lake Norman, and their children happily frolic next to the Duke Nuclear Power Plant. And guess what, rich people are smarter than the rest of us. That's why they're rich. (As a general rule. I know Paris Hilton is dumb, and that all African American high school janitors are sages).
We are such a whiny little punk of a nation. Our grand parents worried about being killed by the Nazis, our parents grew up in fear of a nuclear Holocaust, and we're worried about spinach and Dora the Explorer. And if your kid dies from lead poisoning, its because they ATE the Thomas the Train toy. Which means your kid is a moron and would have died soon anyway.
Be cool, people. No worries. Bush, Exxon, and General Motors are responsible for far more deaths than lead paint in toys. Al Gore, Charlie Wies and Mark Mangino are responsible for more deaths due to starvation then lead paint in toys.
Oh and one more thing. The doctor that CNN used to talk about the dangers of lead poisioning is an Indian named, sh*t thee not, Dr. Mengele. Which is quite possibly the funniest and most ironic thing, ever.
So basically, I love CNN. But there may be problems with CNN, such as the fact that it is run by morons and bases its marketing on fear mongering. Irans going to blow us up! All the polar bears are dying! Spinach gives people AIDS! And today, we're all going to die from TOYS!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!
The title of CNNs expose: Trouble in Toyland; Recalls, Fears and Solutions.
It should be called: We're Douche Bags; Scarying You Unnecessarily Since 1980.
Look, we're not going to die from Bob the Builder. Your kids are not going to die, and if they do, they'll get hit by a car or kidnapped by some pedophile. They aren't going to die because of lead poisoning. Hell, tons of rich people live on Lake Norman, and their children happily frolic next to the Duke Nuclear Power Plant. And guess what, rich people are smarter than the rest of us. That's why they're rich. (As a general rule. I know Paris Hilton is dumb, and that all African American high school janitors are sages).
We are such a whiny little punk of a nation. Our grand parents worried about being killed by the Nazis, our parents grew up in fear of a nuclear Holocaust, and we're worried about spinach and Dora the Explorer. And if your kid dies from lead poisoning, its because they ATE the Thomas the Train toy. Which means your kid is a moron and would have died soon anyway.
Be cool, people. No worries. Bush, Exxon, and General Motors are responsible for far more deaths than lead paint in toys. Al Gore, Charlie Wies and Mark Mangino are responsible for more deaths due to starvation then lead paint in toys.
Oh and one more thing. The doctor that CNN used to talk about the dangers of lead poisioning is an Indian named, sh*t thee not, Dr. Mengele. Which is quite possibly the funniest and most ironic thing, ever.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Debate Nonsense
CNN is showing the rerun from the last Democratic debate. Why am I watching debate reruns? I don't know. Why do I watch To Catch A Predator reruns? 'Cause I do. Every time its the same. But I just can't stop watching.
Two somewhat unrelated notes while I'm trying to figure out what a Corporate Democrat and what a Special Interest actually is.....
First, when did we become the anti-free trade party? That's for crazy Republicans who are afraid of foreignors. Why are we embracing this nonsense? NAFTA was wrong! China is evil! Um, did I miss something?
I'm sorry that three people died from the Chinese lead filled tooth paste/toy/vibrator of death. But there's 300 MILLION of us! It sucks that those three people died, but should I have to pay more for my tooth paste/toys/vibrators just because three people died? Death happens. Its sucks. Sorry. However, if we can get really cheap stuff, and someone I've never heard of dies, I'm cool with that.
This sounds harsh. But think about the thousands of people that died today from car wrecks, cancer, heart disease or guns. Thousands of people die everyday. It sucks. Sorry. But why do we freak out when three people die from lead paint, but when I-85 is a death trap, oh that's fine! Some little kid gets shot because he was playing with his dads gun, oh thats okay. But not the Chinese Dora the Explorer of Death!
By the way, we're the country that freaked out over spinach. Oh my God! Not spinach! Its the most deadly plant ever!!!!! Now where did I put my Marlboros.......
And number two...........
Yucca Mountain.
Apparently we have a bunch of nuclear waste. And we need to put it somewhere. And no one wants to put it anywhere. All the candidates keep talking about finding some magical technological solution or turning the waste into corn and the corn into ethanol or something. Nuclear power plants make waste. So do coal power plants. The difference is that the coal waste goes straight into the air and the nuclear waste, well, apparently it just sits there. But the good thing is that the nuclear power plant in Charlotte created Lake Norman! You get some gigantic fish when your lake is near a power plant! (This is true, actually).
The Republicans or somebody, I'm just going to say the Republicans, want to put all our nuclear waste into Yucca Mountain. Which means that the whole country gets to benefit except for one crappy part of Nevada. And I'm assuming Yucca Mountain is a crappy part of Nevada because people seem to want to put a lot of nuclear waste there.
Here's the easy solution, so that every American benefits, even the eighteen legged frogs that should have been born at Yucca Mountain.
We export it!
Send this nuclear crap to Mexico. Give them a billion dollars to take it. Fair deal. A billion dollars and they can turn the giant mountain of nuclear waste into a tourist attraction. Come see the Great Nuclear Mountain of Tijuana! Its not just the margaretias that tear you up!
Or send it to China. For a billion dollars they'd take it. Send it to our friends in Saudi Arabia. Send it to our colony in Iraq. Do you really think that the Iraqis are concerned about nuclear waste? In exchange for, I don't know, not killing them as much, I'm sure they'd be willing to take it.
Two somewhat unrelated notes while I'm trying to figure out what a Corporate Democrat and what a Special Interest actually is.....
First, when did we become the anti-free trade party? That's for crazy Republicans who are afraid of foreignors. Why are we embracing this nonsense? NAFTA was wrong! China is evil! Um, did I miss something?
I'm sorry that three people died from the Chinese lead filled tooth paste/toy/vibrator of death. But there's 300 MILLION of us! It sucks that those three people died, but should I have to pay more for my tooth paste/toys/vibrators just because three people died? Death happens. Its sucks. Sorry. However, if we can get really cheap stuff, and someone I've never heard of dies, I'm cool with that.
This sounds harsh. But think about the thousands of people that died today from car wrecks, cancer, heart disease or guns. Thousands of people die everyday. It sucks. Sorry. But why do we freak out when three people die from lead paint, but when I-85 is a death trap, oh that's fine! Some little kid gets shot because he was playing with his dads gun, oh thats okay. But not the Chinese Dora the Explorer of Death!
By the way, we're the country that freaked out over spinach. Oh my God! Not spinach! Its the most deadly plant ever!!!!! Now where did I put my Marlboros.......
And number two...........
Yucca Mountain.
Apparently we have a bunch of nuclear waste. And we need to put it somewhere. And no one wants to put it anywhere. All the candidates keep talking about finding some magical technological solution or turning the waste into corn and the corn into ethanol or something. Nuclear power plants make waste. So do coal power plants. The difference is that the coal waste goes straight into the air and the nuclear waste, well, apparently it just sits there. But the good thing is that the nuclear power plant in Charlotte created Lake Norman! You get some gigantic fish when your lake is near a power plant! (This is true, actually).
The Republicans or somebody, I'm just going to say the Republicans, want to put all our nuclear waste into Yucca Mountain. Which means that the whole country gets to benefit except for one crappy part of Nevada. And I'm assuming Yucca Mountain is a crappy part of Nevada because people seem to want to put a lot of nuclear waste there.
Here's the easy solution, so that every American benefits, even the eighteen legged frogs that should have been born at Yucca Mountain.
We export it!
Send this nuclear crap to Mexico. Give them a billion dollars to take it. Fair deal. A billion dollars and they can turn the giant mountain of nuclear waste into a tourist attraction. Come see the Great Nuclear Mountain of Tijuana! Its not just the margaretias that tear you up!
Or send it to China. For a billion dollars they'd take it. Send it to our friends in Saudi Arabia. Send it to our colony in Iraq. Do you really think that the Iraqis are concerned about nuclear waste? In exchange for, I don't know, not killing them as much, I'm sure they'd be willing to take it.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Candidate Questions
Okay, I kind of freaked out for a minute. For some reason, the thought of spending trillions of dollars and the deaths of almost four thousand soldiers pissed me off a bit. So who makes me feel better?
My gay boyfriend, Andrew Sullivan.
Andrew was on Bill Maher, and he said he had two questions for the Republican presidential candidates.
1. Would you, if given the chance, have Osama bin Laden aborted before birth?
2. Would you engage in a sexual exchange with a partner of the same sex if it meant you could stop a terrorist attack?
Now of course, these questions are pretty unfair. Kind of like the "would you use torture to stop a terrorist attack", the crux of the issue being whether or not using torture would help stop a terrorist attack. I don't think torture or having sex with another dude would stop an attack. I also think that if Bin Laden had been aborted, someone else would have attacked us, because, um, some people in other parts of the world actually object to our periodic habit of blowing up places where they live.
Still, I'd like to thank Andrew for broadening the debate, if you will.
I think Mitt Romney's head would explode if he had to think about making sweet love to a dude in order to stop the Islamofacists. I think John McCain already had sex with a dude, that dude being Jerry Falwell (great job having values John!)
As for Rudy Guiliani's answer to whether he would play hide the sausage with Andrew Sullivan, he would answer the same way he answers every other question: 9/11.
My gay boyfriend, Andrew Sullivan.
Andrew was on Bill Maher, and he said he had two questions for the Republican presidential candidates.
1. Would you, if given the chance, have Osama bin Laden aborted before birth?
2. Would you engage in a sexual exchange with a partner of the same sex if it meant you could stop a terrorist attack?
Now of course, these questions are pretty unfair. Kind of like the "would you use torture to stop a terrorist attack", the crux of the issue being whether or not using torture would help stop a terrorist attack. I don't think torture or having sex with another dude would stop an attack. I also think that if Bin Laden had been aborted, someone else would have attacked us, because, um, some people in other parts of the world actually object to our periodic habit of blowing up places where they live.
Still, I'd like to thank Andrew for broadening the debate, if you will.
I think Mitt Romney's head would explode if he had to think about making sweet love to a dude in order to stop the Islamofacists. I think John McCain already had sex with a dude, that dude being Jerry Falwell (great job having values John!)
As for Rudy Guiliani's answer to whether he would play hide the sausage with Andrew Sullivan, he would answer the same way he answers every other question: 9/11.
More Fun With Numbers
As of June, 2006, we have 2,245,189 prisoners held in Federal or State prison. That's 2.245 MILLION people. Are you kidding me? I understand that some of these people should be in jail, and I have a few people I wouldn't mind seeing locked up, but are you kidding me? 2.245 MILLION PEOPLE.
Another fun fact, from the Leftist organization that is the US Department of Justice (those Bush officials are bleeding hearts!)
"At year end 2005 there were 3,145 black male sentenced prison inmates per 100,000 black males in the United States, compared to 1,244 Hispanic male inmates per 100,000Hispanic males and 471 white male inmates per 100,000 white males."
Seeing as black males are 6.7 times more likely to be sentenced to prison then white males, I am left with two theories.
1. Black males are, for whatever reason, more prone to crime.
2. The justice system, believe it or not, may actually be racist.
Two guesses which one I believe.
By the way, we have five percent of the world's population and twenty-two percent of teh world's prison population.
Another fun fact, from the Leftist organization that is the US Department of Justice (those Bush officials are bleeding hearts!)
"At year end 2005 there were 3,145 black male sentenced prison inmates per 100,000 black males in the United States, compared to 1,244 Hispanic male inmates per 100,000Hispanic males and 471 white male inmates per 100,000 white males."
Seeing as black males are 6.7 times more likely to be sentenced to prison then white males, I am left with two theories.
1. Black males are, for whatever reason, more prone to crime.
2. The justice system, believe it or not, may actually be racist.
Two guesses which one I believe.
By the way, we have five percent of the world's population and twenty-two percent of teh world's prison population.
I swear, I've got that 1.3 trillion around here somewhere
A new report puts the cost of the Iraq war at 1.3 TRILLION dollars. Congradulations! We've reached trillions! Its officially cartoon money that no one can actually comprehend! Fantastic!
1.3 trillion dollars.
And 3,860 dead soldiers.
And 28,451 wounded soldiers.
We should be ashamed of ourselves.
1.3 trillion dollars.
And 3,860 dead soldiers.
And 28,451 wounded soldiers.
We should be ashamed of ourselves.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Al Gore is a Moron
It was cold today. And it was cold yesterday. I used the heater in my car all day. This, conclusively, proves that Global Warming is not real, and that Al Gore is a moron.
I'VE BEEN WEARING SWEATERS FOR THE PAST WEEK, MR. GORE! EXPLAIN YOURSELF!
I have many problems with the Global Warming Myth. First, it involves polar bears, who are evil. I know, because the Catholic League said that polar bears are evil. Actually, the Catholic League said that the Golden Compass is an atheistic movie, and it has polar bears in it. So polar bears are evil, and definitely don't keep communion. If these godless carnivores drown, is that really a problem?
Second, Global Warming is all agreed upon by scienctists. Seeing as I got a D in chemistry, the only subject I've ever gotten a D in, that means that scientists are morons. (Except for Hokie scientists. They're different.) Think about it. I've taken about a hundred classes in my lifetime, and I've gotten one D. Which means the person who taught it was a moron, because I, clearly, am not.
What is all this science about, anyway? The ice caps melting? Give me a break! This is such nonsense. Set aside atheistic polar bears, who are these people measuring ice? Are biologists measuring ice? I hope not, because ice isn't alive people! And if there's some science where all they do is study ice, well, that's pretty f--ing stupid. What do you do for a living? You study ice? Fantastic. Next there's going to be a whole science devoted to studying rocks. Ice and rocks aren't alive, people! Stop being retarded!
Plus, Al Gore is fat. Never listen to fat people. Al Gore only wants it to stay cold because he has a protective layer of blubber. Since I am not in fact a manatee, I would like the weather to be a little bit hotter. I'm sure Michael Moore is upset about global warming too. Sorry liberal fatties, don't ruin things for the rest of us! Just because you feel inadequate about your bodies doesn't mean the rest of us should have to suffer. Michael Moore and Al Gore need to go have sex in an igloo and leave the rest of us alone.
Finally, if global warming were real, which it isn't because I'm cold today, it would cost money to fix it. Its way cheaper to just relocate to the interior whenever the East Coast sinks under the waves. Its not my fault that Charlotte was smart enough to be located inland. If we lost New York, Boston and Tallahassee, would that really be a loss? Losing Ted Kennedy, the Patriots, Bobby Bowden and that Polish jackass that coaches Boston College (the one I kill every night in my dreams), that's not a loss, that's a blessing. Its an opportunity. God loves Southerners. We speak properly. If we lose all the New Englanders, it will just make things easier to understand. Plus, everybody in Boston is drunk anyway, so they won't even notice.
So lets try to start Global Warming, which clearly isn't occurring yet, because I was cold today. If everyone drives a Hummer, God willing, we can drown all the douche bags on the Red Sox by next year. Sure, we'd lose baseball and those annoying accents, but I would be warm and I would have a beach house on Tryon.
I'VE BEEN WEARING SWEATERS FOR THE PAST WEEK, MR. GORE! EXPLAIN YOURSELF!
I have many problems with the Global Warming Myth. First, it involves polar bears, who are evil. I know, because the Catholic League said that polar bears are evil. Actually, the Catholic League said that the Golden Compass is an atheistic movie, and it has polar bears in it. So polar bears are evil, and definitely don't keep communion. If these godless carnivores drown, is that really a problem?
Second, Global Warming is all agreed upon by scienctists. Seeing as I got a D in chemistry, the only subject I've ever gotten a D in, that means that scientists are morons. (Except for Hokie scientists. They're different.) Think about it. I've taken about a hundred classes in my lifetime, and I've gotten one D. Which means the person who taught it was a moron, because I, clearly, am not.
What is all this science about, anyway? The ice caps melting? Give me a break! This is such nonsense. Set aside atheistic polar bears, who are these people measuring ice? Are biologists measuring ice? I hope not, because ice isn't alive people! And if there's some science where all they do is study ice, well, that's pretty f--ing stupid. What do you do for a living? You study ice? Fantastic. Next there's going to be a whole science devoted to studying rocks. Ice and rocks aren't alive, people! Stop being retarded!
Plus, Al Gore is fat. Never listen to fat people. Al Gore only wants it to stay cold because he has a protective layer of blubber. Since I am not in fact a manatee, I would like the weather to be a little bit hotter. I'm sure Michael Moore is upset about global warming too. Sorry liberal fatties, don't ruin things for the rest of us! Just because you feel inadequate about your bodies doesn't mean the rest of us should have to suffer. Michael Moore and Al Gore need to go have sex in an igloo and leave the rest of us alone.
Finally, if global warming were real, which it isn't because I'm cold today, it would cost money to fix it. Its way cheaper to just relocate to the interior whenever the East Coast sinks under the waves. Its not my fault that Charlotte was smart enough to be located inland. If we lost New York, Boston and Tallahassee, would that really be a loss? Losing Ted Kennedy, the Patriots, Bobby Bowden and that Polish jackass that coaches Boston College (the one I kill every night in my dreams), that's not a loss, that's a blessing. Its an opportunity. God loves Southerners. We speak properly. If we lose all the New Englanders, it will just make things easier to understand. Plus, everybody in Boston is drunk anyway, so they won't even notice.
So lets try to start Global Warming, which clearly isn't occurring yet, because I was cold today. If everyone drives a Hummer, God willing, we can drown all the douche bags on the Red Sox by next year. Sure, we'd lose baseball and those annoying accents, but I would be warm and I would have a beach house on Tryon.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Joe Biden's favorite activity
Make a list of people I want to kill? Absolutely!
I'm Joe Biden! I'll kill a mutha f--ka! Give me that purple drank, lawya! I mean, I'm a lawya! Gots to drink that drank and head to the club! Biden be trippin' on e at Club Eclipse 'cause he don't give a f--k!
Whabacha!!!!!
Actual Debate Observations
1. John Edwards is the best politician we have right now. I don't think he's going to win, because Hillary has too many organizational assets. I also wouldn't vote for him, because I don't agree with him on trade, which is important for me. But if Hillary wasn't in the race, I would vote for John. He's a solid progressive plus he's a great politician. I'm glad we have depth, unlike the Republicans. I would feel comfortable voting for Hillary, John, or Bill Richardson. I don't know how many people are comfortable voting for John McCain, Rudy or Nutjob Romney.
2. Barack Obama is a horrible politician and may in fact be a moron. He's like our Reagan. People like him, he sounds good, but I have no idea what he's saying, ever. Either he's a moron or I am. I'm going with him, if nothing else for my own self esteem.
3. Joe Biden is drunk. And he doesn't care. Don't mess with him!
2. Barack Obama is a horrible politician and may in fact be a moron. He's like our Reagan. People like him, he sounds good, but I have no idea what he's saying, ever. Either he's a moron or I am. I'm going with him, if nothing else for my own self esteem.
3. Joe Biden is drunk. And he doesn't care. Don't mess with him!
The 8,493rd Democratic Presidential Debate Continued
Here are some other quotes, more or less.
Bill Richardson: I am the only person who has ever negotiated with a foreign country. I am the most experienced. I am a mild salsa that tastes delicious. Not overpowering, but spicy enough. I want to make babies with Hillary, I mean I want to be Vice President, I mean, try my salsa. I can govern. I can manage. I can balance budgets. I'm not bat f--king insane. I'm not going to win.
Dennis Kucinich: Don't mess with me lucky charms!
Chris Dodd: Look at all the bills I've written! Look at all the apple cider I've drank! Look at my beautiful, non-moving white mane! I can bring Conneticut and possibly New Hampshire's votes to the table! I am popular with almost 1 percent of the country! I am loud, obnoxious moron! Rah!
Joe Biden: I could kill everyone on this stage, eat a baby and still sleep well at night. I drank a fifth of whiskey before I came to the stage, but you can't tell, because I handlez my shiznit. I am a lawya! Don't mess with me! I will run you over with my car and then sue you for getting blood on my wind shield. I've done coke, meth, crack, and purple drank, but I can still kick all y'alls asses! Widen University represent! Biatch!
Bill Richardson: I am the only person who has ever negotiated with a foreign country. I am the most experienced. I am a mild salsa that tastes delicious. Not overpowering, but spicy enough. I want to make babies with Hillary, I mean I want to be Vice President, I mean, try my salsa. I can govern. I can manage. I can balance budgets. I'm not bat f--king insane. I'm not going to win.
Dennis Kucinich: Don't mess with me lucky charms!
Chris Dodd: Look at all the bills I've written! Look at all the apple cider I've drank! Look at my beautiful, non-moving white mane! I can bring Conneticut and possibly New Hampshire's votes to the table! I am popular with almost 1 percent of the country! I am loud, obnoxious moron! Rah!
Joe Biden: I could kill everyone on this stage, eat a baby and still sleep well at night. I drank a fifth of whiskey before I came to the stage, but you can't tell, because I handlez my shiznit. I am a lawya! Don't mess with me! I will run you over with my car and then sue you for getting blood on my wind shield. I've done coke, meth, crack, and purple drank, but I can still kick all y'alls asses! Widen University represent! Biatch!
The 8,493rd Democratic Presidential Debate
Is on MSNBC. Here is what was said, more or less.
Hillary Clinton: Look at my warm center. I'll blow sh-t up, but we'll do it in a nice way. You cannot resist my nougaty nuances. I am powerful. I am mighty. I am woman, hear me roar!
John Edwards: Hillary is Bush lite. We must stop her.
Hillary Clinton: John doesn't have a job. I'm smarter than John.
John Edwards: The sky is falling! Hillary is the Devil!
Hillary Clinton: I'm smarter than John. I'm prettier than John.
John Edwards: (Sulking) I'm prettier. South Carolina.
Some other fun snippets.
Moderator: Senator Obama, what would you do about Iran?
Barack Obama: You see, what we need in this country, is hope. That's what no one else brings. Hope is like a butterfly floating on the wings of inspiration and chocolate. America needs inspiration and chocolate. More and more, I talk to people, and they say, the true problem is the obviousness of non-goodness. And I'm against non-goodness.
Moderator: Um, Senator, I was asking about Iran. What would you do about Iran?
Barack Obama: You see, what Iran needs, is hope. The audacity of a unicorn powered by love and the power of cuddling. A beautiful unicorn with candied apples for wings and caramel ribbons for a tail. We could all make love to the unicorn and enter a world with lollipops and candy canes, civil rights and Illinois.
Moderator: Senator Obama, what the f--k are you talking about?
Barack Obama: Hope and unicorns and my general sexiness.
Moderator: Can your wife be in charge if you get elected? Seeing as your a moron who never says anything?
Barack Obama: I believe that my wife is a beautiful, candy coated butterfly who will make love to a unicorn in order to bring cherries and fireflies to the rest of the world.
Moderator: Dear God, please kill me.
Hillary Clinton: Look at my warm center. I'll blow sh-t up, but we'll do it in a nice way. You cannot resist my nougaty nuances. I am powerful. I am mighty. I am woman, hear me roar!
John Edwards: Hillary is Bush lite. We must stop her.
Hillary Clinton: John doesn't have a job. I'm smarter than John.
John Edwards: The sky is falling! Hillary is the Devil!
Hillary Clinton: I'm smarter than John. I'm prettier than John.
John Edwards: (Sulking) I'm prettier. South Carolina.
Some other fun snippets.
Moderator: Senator Obama, what would you do about Iran?
Barack Obama: You see, what we need in this country, is hope. That's what no one else brings. Hope is like a butterfly floating on the wings of inspiration and chocolate. America needs inspiration and chocolate. More and more, I talk to people, and they say, the true problem is the obviousness of non-goodness. And I'm against non-goodness.
Moderator: Um, Senator, I was asking about Iran. What would you do about Iran?
Barack Obama: You see, what Iran needs, is hope. The audacity of a unicorn powered by love and the power of cuddling. A beautiful unicorn with candied apples for wings and caramel ribbons for a tail. We could all make love to the unicorn and enter a world with lollipops and candy canes, civil rights and Illinois.
Moderator: Senator Obama, what the f--k are you talking about?
Barack Obama: Hope and unicorns and my general sexiness.
Moderator: Can your wife be in charge if you get elected? Seeing as your a moron who never says anything?
Barack Obama: I believe that my wife is a beautiful, candy coated butterfly who will make love to a unicorn in order to bring cherries and fireflies to the rest of the world.
Moderator: Dear God, please kill me.
My favorite woodland creature
Its Dennis Kucinich! Workers of the world unite! Viva la Revolution!
Whenever I get depressed, I remember the magical wood elf that is Dennis Kucinich. Sure, the world is going to Hell in a hand basket, but at least there is a Socialist Leprachaun that is ready to make things right! Sure, Dennis will never get elected. But he'd be the best party guest ever. Well for a child's birthday party anyway, seeing as children love mythical creatures.
I love you, Dennis. And in the alternate reality where you are elected President, and therefore gay marriage is allowed, I would totally marry you. We would be Olson-Kuciniches and our Vegan children would be solar powered.
So stressed
I've almost broken down like ten times today. So much crap has happened today and its getting to me.
I'm working three jobs and I'm only doing really well at teaching my stats labs. This is my most important job, so that's good. But my other two are sucking. My econ development job is going fine, its just taking a lot out of me. I really dread getting up tomorrow, going to Kannapolis, and dealing with a whole days worth of that nonsense.
As for UFS, I actually got scolded today. My boss didn't say she wasn't happy with my work, but she said I could do a lot better. I'm getting penalized for stuff I can't control. I told her I couldn't go to a meeting on Thursday because I have to teach a stats lab. Her response "I know its important to make money but..." Um, no. If I don't teach my lab on Thursday, no one else can. I already asked. There are only three people in the whole department who can teach the labs and I am one of them. If I don't teach the lab, I have to cancel it. And I can't miss a lab to videotape a meeting. And I told her this a long time ago.
She says I did well on my grant research. Um, yes, because this is what I was in control of. I also got in trouble for not analyzing data which I couldn't access because of confidentiality reasons. How is this my fault? How am I in trouble for not analyzing data that I'm not allowed to analyze? Then I got in trouble for not analyzing survey research that I wasn't even told about. Is this some sort of messed up joke?
Next, I had to give written notice to end my lease today. This is fine. I don't want to live in this crappy apartment anymore, plus Hunter is moving out. I'll just get my own apartment. Which is fine. I'm just stressed out because I need to find someplace new to stay in December. The biggest complaint I have, really, is that I will have to live in an apartment for at least six more months, which means I won't be able to get a dog because of every complex's ridiculous pet fees.
I'm also coming down with a cold, while being cold in general. I am totally exhausted because of this, and I really can't handle getting a bunch of grief right now. Plus, Chloe is sick. I got her some medicine, but I'm still worried about her. I'm also incredibly worn out from my budgeting class.
But its okay. I just need to keep pushing. I am in a better place then I was five years ago, and I will be in a great place in five more years. I just need to keep pushing and working hard. I'll keep working hard at work and in class. I'll figure out a place to move to in December. Chloe will get better and I will get used to the weather.
I wish some Republican bigot would have sex with a dude so that I can feel better.
I'm working three jobs and I'm only doing really well at teaching my stats labs. This is my most important job, so that's good. But my other two are sucking. My econ development job is going fine, its just taking a lot out of me. I really dread getting up tomorrow, going to Kannapolis, and dealing with a whole days worth of that nonsense.
As for UFS, I actually got scolded today. My boss didn't say she wasn't happy with my work, but she said I could do a lot better. I'm getting penalized for stuff I can't control. I told her I couldn't go to a meeting on Thursday because I have to teach a stats lab. Her response "I know its important to make money but..." Um, no. If I don't teach my lab on Thursday, no one else can. I already asked. There are only three people in the whole department who can teach the labs and I am one of them. If I don't teach the lab, I have to cancel it. And I can't miss a lab to videotape a meeting. And I told her this a long time ago.
She says I did well on my grant research. Um, yes, because this is what I was in control of. I also got in trouble for not analyzing data which I couldn't access because of confidentiality reasons. How is this my fault? How am I in trouble for not analyzing data that I'm not allowed to analyze? Then I got in trouble for not analyzing survey research that I wasn't even told about. Is this some sort of messed up joke?
Next, I had to give written notice to end my lease today. This is fine. I don't want to live in this crappy apartment anymore, plus Hunter is moving out. I'll just get my own apartment. Which is fine. I'm just stressed out because I need to find someplace new to stay in December. The biggest complaint I have, really, is that I will have to live in an apartment for at least six more months, which means I won't be able to get a dog because of every complex's ridiculous pet fees.
I'm also coming down with a cold, while being cold in general. I am totally exhausted because of this, and I really can't handle getting a bunch of grief right now. Plus, Chloe is sick. I got her some medicine, but I'm still worried about her. I'm also incredibly worn out from my budgeting class.
But its okay. I just need to keep pushing. I am in a better place then I was five years ago, and I will be in a great place in five more years. I just need to keep pushing and working hard. I'll keep working hard at work and in class. I'll figure out a place to move to in December. Chloe will get better and I will get used to the weather.
I wish some Republican bigot would have sex with a dude so that I can feel better.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Me and My Gang
I am open to the idea of a chihuahua gang. I used to be like other guys and bitch about chihuahuas. But here's what I've learned in my ripe old age.
1. If something makes one person really happy and only mildly upsets the other person, you should do what makes the one person really happy.
2. A chihuahua for a women is compensation for hundreds of years of oppression and child birth pains. Its like reparations. 40 purses and a chihuahua.
3. Life is short. The world is screwed up. Am I really going to draw the line in the sand over a dog?
4. A gang is cool, whether its a chihuahua gang or the Bloods. Sorry CMPD, my chihuahua gang and I are Ride or Die!
What I want
I'm getting old. The older I get, the more I drift away from my family and the more I march towards stability. That's all I've wanted for a long time. I don't think my family is horrible, I'm just too old for a bunch of nonsense. I don't want to stumble home from a strip club at 2 in the morning. I don't want to go to awkward family dinners where we all pick on my youngest brother.
Here's what I want:
1. A cat (check).
2. A stable job (check).
3. A job I actually like (working on it).
4. A dog (working on it).
5. A house (working on it).
6. A partner/wife (working on it).
7. A child (not working on it, but I will eventually).
I feel like I'm doing pretty good so far. And by this time next year, I'll be able to afford a house, a dog and I will hopefully have a job that I like.
Here's what I don't want:
1. Drama.
2. Instability.
3. Nonsense from my family.
I've pretty much insulated myself from all of that. Its not that I don't love my family, I just love myself. So I'm not going to put up with a bunch of abuse and nonsense from them.
I don't know when all of this is going to fall into place. Hopefully sooner rather than later, but I don't have that much control over it. I do have control over going to work, going to school and, basically, handling my sh-t. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take care of my cat, take care of my masters and take care of myself. I let God work out the long term details.
Here's what I want:
1. A cat (check).
2. A stable job (check).
3. A job I actually like (working on it).
4. A dog (working on it).
5. A house (working on it).
6. A partner/wife (working on it).
7. A child (not working on it, but I will eventually).
I feel like I'm doing pretty good so far. And by this time next year, I'll be able to afford a house, a dog and I will hopefully have a job that I like.
Here's what I don't want:
1. Drama.
2. Instability.
3. Nonsense from my family.
I've pretty much insulated myself from all of that. Its not that I don't love my family, I just love myself. So I'm not going to put up with a bunch of abuse and nonsense from them.
I don't know when all of this is going to fall into place. Hopefully sooner rather than later, but I don't have that much control over it. I do have control over going to work, going to school and, basically, handling my sh-t. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take care of my cat, take care of my masters and take care of myself. I let God work out the long term details.
My white trash nadir
The awkward flirting of 19 year old Office Max girls made me think of what is quite possibly the lowest point of my life. My white trash nadir, if you will. I didn't recognize it at the time, although I probably should have.
So I was supposed to go out with this girl. She wasn't incredible special but I liked her for some reason. Probably because my mind was clouded with pot smoke and a desperate desire to escape my family. Anyway, we're supposed to go out. But we can't.
Why?
Because I'm so broke, I don't have a car. (My mother actually said, "Choose college or a car. You can't have both". Thanks Ma).
But wait, why didn't she just drive?
Because she had a DUI and could only drive from home to work!
Is that not the most white trash thing......ever?
Somehow, I've escaped all of this. The fact that I've learned to walk upright, and I no longer fling my feces at other people may in fact be a miracle. Every night, I must pray......"Thank you Lord, for saving me from my white trash background. Thank you for granting me grace when I didn't deserve it. Here is your cut."
So I was supposed to go out with this girl. She wasn't incredible special but I liked her for some reason. Probably because my mind was clouded with pot smoke and a desperate desire to escape my family. Anyway, we're supposed to go out. But we can't.
Why?
Because I'm so broke, I don't have a car. (My mother actually said, "Choose college or a car. You can't have both". Thanks Ma).
But wait, why didn't she just drive?
Because she had a DUI and could only drive from home to work!
Is that not the most white trash thing......ever?
Somehow, I've escaped all of this. The fact that I've learned to walk upright, and I no longer fling my feces at other people may in fact be a miracle. Every night, I must pray......"Thank you Lord, for saving me from my white trash background. Thank you for granting me grace when I didn't deserve it. Here is your cut."
I'm irresistible, apparently
I had to go Office Max today to pick up something for work. I got to handle petty cash. It was all terribly exciting. To think, my job will trust me with 40 whole dollars! I felt like the emperor of China.
Anyway, while I was at Office Max, not one, but two employees flirted with me. I didn't flirt back, seeing as I'm in love with somebody, and I don't have any game,so it was actually a little awkward. They were flirtateous and I was like "Ring me up, women of ill repute!"
Both girls were classic Concord. You could tell that the highest grade they had completed was the 12th. No college for these beauties. I'm not just being a dick; one of them was telling me how much she missed high school. I need a little more than that.
But its nice to know that I could have my pick of under-educated Concord girls. I guess.
Anyway, while I was at Office Max, not one, but two employees flirted with me. I didn't flirt back, seeing as I'm in love with somebody, and I don't have any game,so it was actually a little awkward. They were flirtateous and I was like "Ring me up, women of ill repute!"
Both girls were classic Concord. You could tell that the highest grade they had completed was the 12th. No college for these beauties. I'm not just being a dick; one of them was telling me how much she missed high school. I need a little more than that.
But its nice to know that I could have my pick of under-educated Concord girls. I guess.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Three MBAs walk into a bar
and lose 7.9 billion dollars because they're a bunch of greedy morons!
Merril Lynch has done a "write-down" of 7.9 BILLION dollars. A "write-down" is not a loss or a mistake, mind you, because its a "write-down". For a real life example, my idiot roommate Hunter did not bounce a rent check, he simply had to "write-down" my bank account. A little confusion is all. He thought he had a thousand dollars in the bank, but apparently he only had forty-five cents and a mint from Thai House.
I think its pretty awesome when a company has a 94 percent loss on revenues in one year. It really makes me want to run out and buy some Merril Lynch stock! It can't get crappy! They have MBAs! Thousands of them! The good times will get rolling again!
Here's the deal; part of the reason why Merril Lynch has lost more money than any of us can comprehend, is because Merril Lynch insisted on carrying huge amounts of sub prime loans. Here's how a sub prime loan works:
Merril Lynch: Hey, I'm going to give you a house. With low interest rates!
Poor Person: Fantastic! This will really improve my life!
Merril Lynch: I know! Its awesome!
Poor Person: Are there any problems with this type of loan?
Merril Lynch: Oh not really. Other than the fact that we jack up your interest rate in three years to completely unsustainable levels, but at least our profit margins look kick ass this year!
Three years later.
Poor Person: I'm broke. My life is ruined. I have to default on my loan. Who knew I couldn't pay a 15% apr?
Merril Lynch: Not me, I promise.
Poor Person: What am I going to do? I'm homeless!
Merril Lynch: That sucks. You could stay in the guest room of my vacation house, I guess. I'll only charge you 200 a night.
Poor Person: My life is over. What's going to happen to you?
Merril Lynch: Nothing really. I'm going to "write-down" your loan, pretend it never happened. Then I'm going to blame you for being poor and unreliable. Then I'm going to snort coke off my diamond encrusted coke snorting table with iPod capabilities. Then I guess I'll whine about all the taxes I have to pay.
Okay, so maybe that's not the conversation verbatim. But still, IF YOU ARE A LOAN SHARK AND YOU'RE VICTIMS CAN'T PAY YOU HAVE TO JUMP OFF THE TOP FLOOR OF YOUR SKYSCRAPER YOU SOULESS, UNETHICAL DOUCHE!!!!!!
Sorry, I'm just sad I didn't get an MBA. They have way cooler terms for things. In government, we have to use "Revenues" and "Expenditures" and "Deficits".
Ugh.
Merril Lynch has done a "write-down" of 7.9 BILLION dollars. A "write-down" is not a loss or a mistake, mind you, because its a "write-down". For a real life example, my idiot roommate Hunter did not bounce a rent check, he simply had to "write-down" my bank account. A little confusion is all. He thought he had a thousand dollars in the bank, but apparently he only had forty-five cents and a mint from Thai House.
I think its pretty awesome when a company has a 94 percent loss on revenues in one year. It really makes me want to run out and buy some Merril Lynch stock! It can't get crappy! They have MBAs! Thousands of them! The good times will get rolling again!
Here's the deal; part of the reason why Merril Lynch has lost more money than any of us can comprehend, is because Merril Lynch insisted on carrying huge amounts of sub prime loans. Here's how a sub prime loan works:
Merril Lynch: Hey, I'm going to give you a house. With low interest rates!
Poor Person: Fantastic! This will really improve my life!
Merril Lynch: I know! Its awesome!
Poor Person: Are there any problems with this type of loan?
Merril Lynch: Oh not really. Other than the fact that we jack up your interest rate in three years to completely unsustainable levels, but at least our profit margins look kick ass this year!
Three years later.
Poor Person: I'm broke. My life is ruined. I have to default on my loan. Who knew I couldn't pay a 15% apr?
Merril Lynch: Not me, I promise.
Poor Person: What am I going to do? I'm homeless!
Merril Lynch: That sucks. You could stay in the guest room of my vacation house, I guess. I'll only charge you 200 a night.
Poor Person: My life is over. What's going to happen to you?
Merril Lynch: Nothing really. I'm going to "write-down" your loan, pretend it never happened. Then I'm going to blame you for being poor and unreliable. Then I'm going to snort coke off my diamond encrusted coke snorting table with iPod capabilities. Then I guess I'll whine about all the taxes I have to pay.
Okay, so maybe that's not the conversation verbatim. But still, IF YOU ARE A LOAN SHARK AND YOU'RE VICTIMS CAN'T PAY YOU HAVE TO JUMP OFF THE TOP FLOOR OF YOUR SKYSCRAPER YOU SOULESS, UNETHICAL DOUCHE!!!!!!
Sorry, I'm just sad I didn't get an MBA. They have way cooler terms for things. In government, we have to use "Revenues" and "Expenditures" and "Deficits".
Ugh.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
T.I. Continued
My brother Josh on T.I.
Me: Hey, you heard T.I. bought a machine gun?
Josh: Don't mess with that mutha f--ka T.I., he's got a damn bazooka!
Me: Hey, you heard T.I. bought a machine gun?
Josh: Don't mess with that mutha f--ka T.I., he's got a damn bazooka!
Monday, October 22, 2007
Tithing, Saving, Everything
Joel Osteen has a new book. Its about making millions of dollars and not feeling guilty about it. I don't mind Joel Osteen, I just think that the New Testament has more of an emphasis on poverty. So this is a spiritual and an economic argument for me.
I think this is the conclusion I have come to. Budgeting experts and finance experts say we should save 10-15 percent of our salaries. The Bible says we should give 10 percent as tithes. I think I want to do both. This is going to be extremely difficult, but I think I can do it.
I think one way to help will be to include contributions to charities in the 10 percent for tithing. I impulse give to charities. I don't know what it is. You tell me your doing a walk for something, or you know elderly nuns, you just need to give me a link or hold out a bucket. I'm not saying this to brag about myself, I'm also a mildly impulsive shopper. But I think if I give at least 7 or 8 percent of my salary to church and the impulse giving counts for the rest, I can do it.
I also think I can save 10 percent of my money. Fortunately, once I get my MPA I'll be making a lot more. I also have some debt to pay off, but after that, I'm going to be able to start saving.
The tithing/charity needs to start first though. I do tithe, and I do give to charity, but I need to just take the plunge. When I stopped eating meat, I just stopped completely, which works for me. I'm going to write the check for my tithing tonight. No more giving whats in my wallet. I'm really going to start giving ten percent.
I think its up to individuals how much they give. I don't expect anyone to skip meals to tithe. But I'm making enough money now where I need to start sacrificing.
God helped me to stop being white trash, so I need to give back some of what I've been given.
Time to take the plunge.
I think this is the conclusion I have come to. Budgeting experts and finance experts say we should save 10-15 percent of our salaries. The Bible says we should give 10 percent as tithes. I think I want to do both. This is going to be extremely difficult, but I think I can do it.
I think one way to help will be to include contributions to charities in the 10 percent for tithing. I impulse give to charities. I don't know what it is. You tell me your doing a walk for something, or you know elderly nuns, you just need to give me a link or hold out a bucket. I'm not saying this to brag about myself, I'm also a mildly impulsive shopper. But I think if I give at least 7 or 8 percent of my salary to church and the impulse giving counts for the rest, I can do it.
I also think I can save 10 percent of my money. Fortunately, once I get my MPA I'll be making a lot more. I also have some debt to pay off, but after that, I'm going to be able to start saving.
The tithing/charity needs to start first though. I do tithe, and I do give to charity, but I need to just take the plunge. When I stopped eating meat, I just stopped completely, which works for me. I'm going to write the check for my tithing tonight. No more giving whats in my wallet. I'm really going to start giving ten percent.
I think its up to individuals how much they give. I don't expect anyone to skip meals to tithe. But I'm making enough money now where I need to start sacrificing.
God helped me to stop being white trash, so I need to give back some of what I've been given.
Time to take the plunge.
I had a dream
that I was in a Bible student with my Mormon professor. It was a little odd. I can safely say I have never dreamt about Bible study before. Maybe I'm becoming less of a degenerate.
By the way, Mormons are the nicest people on Earth. Just sayin'.
By the way, Mormons are the nicest people on Earth. Just sayin'.
The Miracle of Compound Interest (This is actually pretty useful)
Some information from my Budgeting class. I know this is dry, and I'll try to keep the equations to a minimum, but this stuff is very important. The main points are that the more we save, the more it adds up, but also that we can really make our money work for society. First, I'll do a couple of personal finance things, then, I'll get into the stuff that really excites me (I know, I'm lame).
Lets say you want to retire when you are 65. You want to live on 100,000 dollars a year for twenty years. (This is just an example. Hopefully we'll all live to be 105 and we won't have to spend 100,000 a year, but this is a good example).
This examples assumes that you can get an 8 percent return on your investment. (The long term stock market average is a 10 percent return). You want to live on your retirement for 20 years. PVA is present value of an annuity, PMT is a payment, PVIFA is present value of an annuity factor.
Set it up as a PVA Problem:
PVA = PMT(PVIFA, 8%, 20 per.)
PVA = $100,000(9.8181)
PVA = $981,810
The main point is you would need right at a million dollars to retire for twenty years at 100,000 dollars a year. Seems pretty unrealistic right? Well lets see the magic of compound interest at work.
There's a lot math involved, which I can go into later if anyone wants, but the point is that if you start when you're 25, and save 2,400 dollars a year until you're 65, you can save right at a million dollars. This comes out to about 160 dollars a month, which really isn't that much.
Even if you haven't started saving, you can still make up a lot of lossed ground. Basically, there's a rule of seven where your money will double every seven years. So if you have 250,000 in savings by the time you're 51, you can still have a cool million by the time you're 65.
All this is very good. You know, you won't be a burden to your family, you won't have to work at McDonald's, you'll be able to help other elderly people, etc. But there is something even more exciting.
Many schools have endowments. Basically, endowments are managed funds that grow while paying out some money for a good, such as a professors salary. The money will keep growing, and you don't have to increase the endowment.
This can also be used for charitable donations.
Maybe you want to have a fund at your church. Maybe you want to give 1,500 a year to help pay elderly care or for the church's nursery, or something else. Well, if you had an endowment of 9,590 dollars, you could run that fund, without adding any money, for eight years. (Compare this to the 12,000 dollars it would cost to fund without an interest bearing account).
The point is that you can stretch out money even further by investing it. I think I've decided on something mixing all my views on charity, money, tithing, saving, and everything else. But that will be another post.
The point is, save as soon as you can. Unless you have debt (low interest student loans don't count). Then pay off your debt, and then save.
Lets say you want to retire when you are 65. You want to live on 100,000 dollars a year for twenty years. (This is just an example. Hopefully we'll all live to be 105 and we won't have to spend 100,000 a year, but this is a good example).
This examples assumes that you can get an 8 percent return on your investment. (The long term stock market average is a 10 percent return). You want to live on your retirement for 20 years. PVA is present value of an annuity, PMT is a payment, PVIFA is present value of an annuity factor.
Set it up as a PVA Problem:
PVA = PMT(PVIFA, 8%, 20 per.)
PVA = $100,000(9.8181)
PVA = $981,810
The main point is you would need right at a million dollars to retire for twenty years at 100,000 dollars a year. Seems pretty unrealistic right? Well lets see the magic of compound interest at work.
There's a lot math involved, which I can go into later if anyone wants, but the point is that if you start when you're 25, and save 2,400 dollars a year until you're 65, you can save right at a million dollars. This comes out to about 160 dollars a month, which really isn't that much.
Even if you haven't started saving, you can still make up a lot of lossed ground. Basically, there's a rule of seven where your money will double every seven years. So if you have 250,000 in savings by the time you're 51, you can still have a cool million by the time you're 65.
All this is very good. You know, you won't be a burden to your family, you won't have to work at McDonald's, you'll be able to help other elderly people, etc. But there is something even more exciting.
Many schools have endowments. Basically, endowments are managed funds that grow while paying out some money for a good, such as a professors salary. The money will keep growing, and you don't have to increase the endowment.
This can also be used for charitable donations.
Maybe you want to have a fund at your church. Maybe you want to give 1,500 a year to help pay elderly care or for the church's nursery, or something else. Well, if you had an endowment of 9,590 dollars, you could run that fund, without adding any money, for eight years. (Compare this to the 12,000 dollars it would cost to fund without an interest bearing account).
The point is that you can stretch out money even further by investing it. I think I've decided on something mixing all my views on charity, money, tithing, saving, and everything else. But that will be another post.
The point is, save as soon as you can. Unless you have debt (low interest student loans don't count). Then pay off your debt, and then save.
Say it Ain't So, T.I.
One of my favorite rappers is in jail. (Seriously). I own all of T.I.'s albumns, even I'm Serious in which he gave the line ....
Pull up in a blue coupe that's damn near clear
And Polo gear that won't drop 'til next year
Be like this here, Cartier frames and Pierre Jouet wristwear
T.I.P. your majesty's right c'here
Notice when I came the dames disappeared, ya lames listen here
To play me, ba-by, hey he,
gone need a track from God featuring Jesus or Jay-Z
Now he's in trouble because his bodyguard ALLEGEDLY tried to buy three machine guns for him. Just because T.I. was convicted of a drug offense in 1998, he's not allowed to have or own guns. Well, its not his, its the body guard's. But aside from this, it raises two important questions:
First, you can buy a machine gun?
Second, what happened to T.I.'s Constitutional rights?
As far as buying a machine gun goes, I don't know why a machine gun's any worse than an assault rifle. I'm pretty sure you can buy an automatic assault rifle (to um, spray cans), so why not a machine gun? Why not a cannon? T.I. should build a moat around his house, have a couple of cannons, some muskets, those Swiss guards that protect the Pope. I'm pretty sure there's more than one guy in Concord who has an arsenal of weaponry. Why can't T.I.'s bodyguard?
The second issue is a little more important. Why is it that a felony causes you to lose your rights? No guns, no voting, I'm pretty sure those are both in the Constitution. We don't disenfranchise the people who vote for Ralph Nader or Pat Buchanan, even though they are clearly idiots. Why are we disenfranchising people who commit crimes? Its not like they can vote while they're serving their sentences. When they get out, they should be allowed to vote.
And why can't they have guns? The Second Ammendment doesn't count? Charlton Heston isn't freaked out about this? I can get in my car, drive drunk through Harris and still buy a gun when I get out of jail.
All I know is, there are two million people in jail right now, the majority are black and I'm pretty sure that has something to do with the disenfranchisement issue. The fact that we have more African American males in jail then in college should be a source of constant shame for us. But its not. Put them in jail, don't let them vote, don't let them have Constitutional rights. If the same proportion of white people were in jail, I think things might be different.
Pull up in a blue coupe that's damn near clear
And Polo gear that won't drop 'til next year
Be like this here, Cartier frames and Pierre Jouet wristwear
T.I.P. your majesty's right c'here
Notice when I came the dames disappeared, ya lames listen here
To play me, ba-by, hey he,
gone need a track from God featuring Jesus or Jay-Z
Now he's in trouble because his bodyguard ALLEGEDLY tried to buy three machine guns for him. Just because T.I. was convicted of a drug offense in 1998, he's not allowed to have or own guns. Well, its not his, its the body guard's. But aside from this, it raises two important questions:
First, you can buy a machine gun?
Second, what happened to T.I.'s Constitutional rights?
As far as buying a machine gun goes, I don't know why a machine gun's any worse than an assault rifle. I'm pretty sure you can buy an automatic assault rifle (to um, spray cans), so why not a machine gun? Why not a cannon? T.I. should build a moat around his house, have a couple of cannons, some muskets, those Swiss guards that protect the Pope. I'm pretty sure there's more than one guy in Concord who has an arsenal of weaponry. Why can't T.I.'s bodyguard?
The second issue is a little more important. Why is it that a felony causes you to lose your rights? No guns, no voting, I'm pretty sure those are both in the Constitution. We don't disenfranchise the people who vote for Ralph Nader or Pat Buchanan, even though they are clearly idiots. Why are we disenfranchising people who commit crimes? Its not like they can vote while they're serving their sentences. When they get out, they should be allowed to vote.
And why can't they have guns? The Second Ammendment doesn't count? Charlton Heston isn't freaked out about this? I can get in my car, drive drunk through Harris and still buy a gun when I get out of jail.
All I know is, there are two million people in jail right now, the majority are black and I'm pretty sure that has something to do with the disenfranchisement issue. The fact that we have more African American males in jail then in college should be a source of constant shame for us. But its not. Put them in jail, don't let them vote, don't let them have Constitutional rights. If the same proportion of white people were in jail, I think things might be different.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Ron Paul
Please save us Grandpa Paul!
As I drove to my health food store for lunch, also known as Bojangles, I noticed a large group of protesters at the corner of Tryon and Harris. As I passed by, I noticed that they were holding Ron Paul for President signs. One actually said, "Get Crunk for the Constitution!" Oh Ron Paul supporters, you're so silly! I appreciate the effort, but I will not be seduced by Grandpa Paul. Although I probably would be seduced by Mike Huckabee, 'cause he would take me on a date to Applebees and then on to square dancing! Call me Mike!
Anyway, liberals often find themselves strangely seduced by Ron Paul. Not me, of course, because I would not cheat on my party with a Republican, except for Huckabee. And Huckabee would only be a wild one night square dancing fling. (Seriously, call me Mike). Liberals see Ron on Bill Maher and think, "Maybe I should vote for him?" Republicans seem to hate Ron Paul, so liberals think he might be okay. Um, not so much.
But before I get all negative, let me show some support for Ron and the four votes that he's going to take away from the guy with 11 wives, Giuliani.
Things to like about Ron Paul;
1. He wants to end the war in Iraq.
2. In an effort to reduce government waste, he limits his name to two syllables.
3. He could totally when a cage death match with the other stridently anti-war candidate, Dennis Kucinich.
4. He's from Texas. We've gotten a lot of great Presidents out of Texas.
5. Um, he might be related to RuPaul?
Okay, so the main reason people like him is because he's anti-war. Plus he's not scary like Pat Buchanan, our last Libertarian anti-war candidate. In the grand tradition of isolationism, Ron Paul is the latest old white guy to want to go back to the days of the Constitution. Those glorious days when women couldn't vote, African Americans were slaves and Native Americans were getting free small pox blankets. Ann Coulter is fully in support in going back to those glory days!
The problem with Ron Paul is that he's a Libertarian, which means he doesn't think the government should do anything. I could get all philosophical and do the "If men were angels" quote, but I'm just going to list the programs that Ron Paul would like to get rid of.
1. No more Department of Education.
2. No socialized healthcare. Just get a stronger immune system.
3. No welfare. Sorry poor kids, maybe you should have been born to someone with money. Food stamps are for the week!
4. People should opt out of Social Security. Sorry old people, I hope you have a bunch of cash saved under the mattress.
5. No foreign aid. If we're not going to have food stamps for Americans, we're damned sure not going to send corn to starving Somalians.
6. Somehow he's an "unshakable foe of abortion". I'm not sure how this jibes with his Libertarian tendencies, but I do know how it jibes with him getting reelected.
7. No same-sex adoption. Can't have gay people raising kids, obviously.
8. He supports tighter border security. So although we can't provide health care for people, we can build a big, pointless fence.
9. He doesn't support the Federal Reserve increasing the money supply. Basically, the less money in the market, the more each dollar is worth. Which is fantastic! Doesn't everyone want their student loans and mortgages cost more over time, thanks to the glorious benefits of deflation? I know I do!
10. He opposes judicial activism. So if you want more Scalias and Thomases, go ahead and vote for the guy.
The simple fact is that Ron Paul will never be president. And that's fine. He's not supposed to be. He's supposed to broaden the debate. We keep Leprechaun Kucinich around because he broadens the debate, not because we want to live in his anti-trade Communist paradise. Lets just not get seduced by agreeing with the Leprechaun or Grandpa Paul on one issue.
Voting for president is a long term commitment, like a marriage. Don't vote for someone that's really good at one thing but sucks at everything else. You wouldn't marry someone who has a nice car but no moral compass or work ethic. Oh wait, I just figured out who votes for Ron Paul. People I went to high school with. Now things make sense.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
I'm not sure what this means
Kanye West has a song featuring Chris Martin from Coldplay. Rascal Flatts has a song featuring Jamie Fox.
I don't know what this means, but I think its good.
I don't know what this means, but I think its good.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
One of My Favorite People
Chris Hansen is the best. To Catch a Predator might be the best show on TV. I mean, I'm all for the home improvement shows that build houses for people who need them, and its cool when Oprah gives a bunch of poor people cars, but Chris Hansen gets perverts off the street. If there is a way to deter these people (there probably isn't) then I would think To Catch a Predator would be the way to do it.
Another cool thing about Hansen is this little tidbit I found online. Its from the Center for Women and Families of Eastern Fairfield County....
You can see him on NBC Dateline's "To Catch a Predator," however, on Thursday, May 17, 2007, Chris Hansen will be LIVE from Sacred Heart University's Edgerton Auditorium! Ticket prices are $50 for General Admission and $150 for VIP. The VIP reception will be from 6 - 7:30PM; the event will begin promptly at 7:30PM. All proceeds will benefit The Center for Women and Families!
Keep up the good work, Chris. Raising money for DV and getting perverts arrested. Three cheers for Hansen!
Coultergeist Quotes
"If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine, but I don't think it's going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women. It also makes the point, it is kind of embarrassing, the Democratic Party ought to be hanging its head in shame, that it has so much difficulty getting men to vote for it. I mean, you do see it's the party of women and 'We'll pay for health care and tuition and day care -- and here, what else can we give you, soccer moms?'"
"If I'm going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot."
"I was going to have a few comments about John Edwards but you have to go into rehab if you use the word faggot." --at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference
"These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by griefparrazies.I have never seen people enjoying their husband's deaths so much." -on 9/11 widows who have been critical of the Bush administration
"We need somebody to put rat poisoning in Justice Stevens' creme brulee. That's just a joke, for you in the media."
"Liberals love America like O.J. loved Nicole."
"There are a lot of bad republicans; there are no good democrats."
"We need to execute people like (John Walker Lindh) in order to physically intimidate liberals."
"Whether they are defending the Soviet Union or bleating for Saddam Hussein, liberals are always against America. They are either traitors or idiots."
"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity."
"Liberals are stalwart defenders of civil liberties -- provided we're only talking about criminals."
"The New York Times editorial page is like a Ouija board that has only three answers, no matter what the question. The answers are: higher taxes, more restrictions on political speech and stricter gun control."
"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."
"Usually the nonsense liberals spout is kind of cute, but in wartime their instinctive idiocy is life-threatening."
"We've finally given liberals a war against fundamentalism, and they don't want to fight it. They would, except it would put them on the same side as the United States."
"If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam -- oh wait, he does."
"Press passes can't be that hard to come by if the White House allows that old Arab Helen Thomas to sit within yards of the President."
"The swing voters -- I like to refer to them as the idiot voters because they don't have set philosophical principles. You're either a liberal or you're a conservative if you have an IQ above a toaster."
"If I'm going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot."
"I was going to have a few comments about John Edwards but you have to go into rehab if you use the word faggot." --at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference
"These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by griefparrazies.I have never seen people enjoying their husband's deaths so much." -on 9/11 widows who have been critical of the Bush administration
"We need somebody to put rat poisoning in Justice Stevens' creme brulee. That's just a joke, for you in the media."
"Liberals love America like O.J. loved Nicole."
"There are a lot of bad republicans; there are no good democrats."
"We need to execute people like (John Walker Lindh) in order to physically intimidate liberals."
"Whether they are defending the Soviet Union or bleating for Saddam Hussein, liberals are always against America. They are either traitors or idiots."
"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity."
"Liberals are stalwart defenders of civil liberties -- provided we're only talking about criminals."
"The New York Times editorial page is like a Ouija board that has only three answers, no matter what the question. The answers are: higher taxes, more restrictions on political speech and stricter gun control."
"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."
"Usually the nonsense liberals spout is kind of cute, but in wartime their instinctive idiocy is life-threatening."
"We've finally given liberals a war against fundamentalism, and they don't want to fight it. They would, except it would put them on the same side as the United States."
"If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam -- oh wait, he does."
"Press passes can't be that hard to come by if the White House allows that old Arab Helen Thomas to sit within yards of the President."
"The swing voters -- I like to refer to them as the idiot voters because they don't have set philosophical principles. You're either a liberal or you're a conservative if you have an IQ above a toaster."
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