Positive things

I gave two units of blood yesterday. Not two pints, because they gave me back my plasma or something. They hooked me up to some machine and a bunch of tubes, and separated my red blood cells and plasma (I think) and then shot my plasma back into me. I did feel like a jerk though. When the Red Cross registered me, it showed that I haven't given blood since 2002. I thought about all the degenerate, quasi criminal things I've done since 2002. Wasted time and what not.

Anyway, I'm going to give blood again in 112 days. It takes about an hour and a half to give two units, and I've been crazy sore for the past two days, but its something I need to do. Besides, I think if I stay better hydrated next time, I can avoid a lot of the aches.

I'm not going to not give blood again because my limbs are sore. I was talking to Pam, the woman that organized the blood drive for Advent and she was talking about how her husband was in a motorcycle accident and lost both of his legs. I can't imagine someone needing blood because they are in a wreck or they were shot and me saying "sorry, my arms and my toes will hurt if I give blood".


Positive thing #2

I was working on my Public Finance assignment and I realized I had no idea what I was doing. Normally, I would just try to fake my way through it and hope to get a B. But then I realized that I babysit for two professors and so I asked them for help. Needless to say, two PhDs are better than three fourths of a Masters, and they were able to help me out.

Positive thing #3

I have a really old email account and therefore I get a ton of spam. I get weird Viagra emails a lot and I get some weird porn emails by people who don't know how to spell. These emails are disgusting. At this point though, I feel guilty having this stuff at all. Before I would just delete them and be done with it. Now I delete them as soon as possible and I feel apprehensive until they're gone. What if someone knew I was getting bizarre misspelled porn spam? I would feel so embarrassed!

Its like I'm becoming a functional human being.

Also, I was at Total Wine buying, um, wine with my roommate and the cashier was flirting with me. I wasn't with her. I felt like I had a promise ring on my finger that was burning. I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I did have to smile and be nice, because I couldn't run out of the store without paying. But I felt intense guilt for no real reason.

This is good training in case I ever get married. Although I don't know why I would appeal to any woman, its good to know I would feel guilty talking to anyone that wasn't my wife or long term girlfriend.

Feeling guilty about stuff, feeling like I HAVE to give blood or I HAVE to go to church is probably the best feeling I've had in a very long time. The guilt is actually liberating, giving me a sense of purpose that my degenerate family has not given me. God it feels good to feel guilty!