Loser Post College Jobs

Maybe I'm becoming more judgmental. Okay, I am becoming more judgmental. I thank God for the Internet, because it allows me to find out what people I went to high school with are now doing. And most of the time, its not very impressive. Sure, you could flunk out of college, but a person who flunks out may have an interesting story to tell. Tales of alcohol poisoning and drug addiction can at least be interesting. The worst, I think, is the people that actually graduate, and then take loser jobs. (Maybe you should have gone to a real college rather than a fifteen hundred person liberal arts or a five hundred person Pentecostal school).

Anyway, here it goes.

Worst Post College Job

1. Big box stores. Wal-Mart, Best Buy, Target, we all know you didn't really want to work there. I've never heard anyone say "Man, I really want to work in the Tire Section at Wal-Mart." Bonus points if you're still a cashier or stocker. Seriously, you have a degree and still can't be a manager? How hard is this?

2. Bank Teller. A bachelor's degree and all you got was a crappy job at Wachovia! Although your grandmother may not know it, bank tellers make NO money. Plus you have to deal with people who bounce checks and with me. Yes, I do make tellers deposit my change. What am I going to do with pennies? Its always fun to go up to someone I went to high school with, hand them a eight thousand dollar check from the University and twenty dollars in nickels. Bonus points for being a bank teller in Charlotte, the number two financial hub in the country. You really couldn't work in an office?

3. Working for your family. You have a degree............and you work as a hostess at your Dad's restaurant? Kill yourself. Now. Or marry that hot bank teller from First Charter!

4. Sales/marketing. Who knew that with a Communications degree you'd be fully qualified to sell copiers! You must really be living the dream! I remember when I was little, and they asked me what I wanted to do when I grow up, I said "I want to cold call people and harass them to by industrial appliances!"

5. Elementary/middle school teacher. Sorry about this one, but come on. Can you really live with yourself when you went to school for four years, to teach second grade? You know why we don't pay teachers a lot? Um, because their job isn't hard. I'm pretty sure I was qualified to teach second graders when I was in third grade. You don't love kids, you just want the summer off, so you can go to bars in mass and get hit on by even bigger losers.

Elementary/middle school teachers are not only useless, but they enforce our patriarchy. Can we please stop this nonsense? Millions of mildly intelligent women are wasting their lives, and actually approving of the anti-feminist nature of their job. "I love watching children". Stop!!!!!!

Get a real dream. Come on! Its not 1953. You don't have to be involved in child care. Go to law school. Be an engineer. Do something. If we want a balanced, sane society, we need male and female teachers. And for the love of God, can we stop having female second grade teachers and male chemistry teachers? You went to school. Next time you're reincarnated, choose the harder major.

If you're not going to do the most challenging thing possible, don't go to college!