Dave Matthews

I have never walked out on a concert before. In fact, I think I've walked out of one movie, even though I've seen a bunch of crap. Likewise with concerts. Although I've seen some crappy ones, I've never walked out before it was over.

Until I saw Dave Matthews Band this week.

Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame.

I actually like Dave's music, which is why I spent 140 on two tickets. Yes, the concert sucked so much that I left despite paying that much money. Why was Dave the lamest concert I've ever been to? I'm sure I can come up with a list.

1. How can you turn a four minute song into a twelve minute song? How can you turn ALL of your four minute songs into twelve minute songs?

2. Can you please play songs people have heard of? I know you have some new album or something, but I'm not going to buy it. I just spent a bunch of money. Please play something I've heard of.

3. Dave, is it asking too much to have you talk to the audience? Maybe tell a story. A little anecdote. A riddle? An acknowledgement of the city you're in? Seeing as you aren't singing for ten minutes of your twelve minute songs, so can you, I don't know, attempt to entertain us?

4. Dave, is it asking too much for you to KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN? Sweet Jesus, don't smoke weed before your show! I spent 140 dollars! Keep your eyes open!!!!!!!!!!

5. I hate hippies. So much. Hippies shouldn't be allowed to dance. I can't have sex in public. I can't take a crap in the middle of the street. So hippies shouldn't be allowed to dance. It is as awkward and as uncomfortable as me taking a crap in the middle of North Tryon. And I would tell the officer "Hey, at least I wasn't dancing like a hippie".

6. Can we please limit the amount of weed you people smoke? Does all of Verizon have to smell like it? Do I have to get a contact high? Seriously, this is why we're still at war. Thousands of people are dead, because you idiots smoke pot and play in drum circles rather than, I don't know, sign a petition? Vote? But hey, you've got an organic hemp sweatshirt, so you're obviously doing a lot more to help the world than me.

7. I swear to God, if someone blows cigarette smoke in my face again, I will punch them in the face. Some idiot actually kept his hands on top of his head, with his cigarette still lit. So he wasn't even smoking it! Just giving me lung cancer! This needs to be made illegal already. This is worse than hippies dancing. At least hippies dancing won't kill me.

8. Seriously, can we make smoking illegal right now? If you are doing something that can potentially kill me, I should be able to beat you with a stick.

9. I hate hippies.

10. I hate hippies.

11. I hate hippies.