C'mon, HBO

I've always been a big fan of HBO. My favorite three shows have for sometime been 1. The Wire, 2. Six Feet Under, and 3. The Sopranos (in that order).

Now HBO has some weird New Zealand comedy thing, that unbearable surfing show and the married couple show. I have always tried to give HBO the benefit of the doubt. I even watched two seasons of Deadwood, although Deadwood was only slightly more bearable than the surfing show. Does anyone know if John from Cincinatti is autistic or what? He creeps me out. Where have all the good writers gone? (One caveat: Curb Your Enthusiasm is still very good.)

So I turned on HBO tonight and what do I see?

Justin Timberlake: Futuresex/loveshow

Okay, its hard to know where to start. First, I don't think it should be acceptable to combine words randomly. Futuresex? Wow, its so edgy, and, um, retarded.

I actually like Justin Timberlake. I think he's a good singer and a good dancer. I remember when he had that weird afro a long time ago, and it was endearing. If my gay son brought home a boy like Justin, I'd be very proud. He's good looking. I'd be like, "wow, good job, hypothetical gay son of mine." And his music isn't that bad. But this show was horrible. Well the fifteen minutes I saw were horrible. Maybe the rest is fantastic. Probably not.

(Old Sweet Justin With Weird Afro)

So here are my thoughts on what HBO has insisted on broadcasting.....

1. Why is he moving around so much? Does he have ADHD? I really don't understand this. I know its supposed to be exciting, but its distracting.

2. There are about five hundred people on stage. Surely, four hundred could be eliminated. Why does he have so many back up dancers? And why so many band members? I can't relate to these people. There's too many of them. I'm distracted. My head is spinning. Please, Lord, make it stop.

3. Why is Justin Timberlake saying the f-word repeatedly? Four times in the fifteen minutes I've been watching is very unnecessary. I'm not being a prude. If it was TI, I wouldn't mind. If it was Mos Def, I wouldn't mind. Profanity is supposed to express anger and frustration. Justin is using it to express, I don't know, randomness maybe?

4. Can we make a rule that if you're doing coreographed dance moves, you're not allowed to curse? I know he's trying to do some sort of hip hop/soul/thing, but please stop. Part of the reason why rap music is so good is because it expresses the anger and frustration of an marginalized group. Someone stop this, now.

5. Please stop dancing like that. Its so awkward and puppet like. I'm sure its hard to do. I understand you are a very good dancer and I will never be able to do anything remotely like that, but its just weird. Stop dancing. Please. For the children.

6. My God, who ate Timberland?

7. He actually came back for his encore, and said "Get out your lighters and your cell phones. Lets light up the Garden." Weren't you just grinding and saying the f-word. I'm confused. I need a transition period between futuresex and you being nice.

8. I'm old.

9. Grain of salt. I liked this guy in concert.

10. Nothing here. I just wanted to round out the list. Know that I'm bringing sexyback futuresex pastfellatio allthrough CharlotteNorthCarolina beeyotch!

Please HBO. Bring back the Wire. Stop putting this nonsense on. Please.