Apparently yesterday was my father's birthday. Somehow I forgot to get him a card. Maybe because I haven't seen him since 1998. I don't hate him or anything. I just think he's a douche who I haven't seen in a decade. If he was in Charlotte and asked me if I wanted to do something with him, I'd agree. As long as he wanted to suck my balls. I mean, I'm down for that.
My older brothers, on the other hand, seemed to genuinely want to spend time with him. They seemed to genuinely miss him. They actually made a comment about going to a strip club with my father. That is like the epitome of white trash. Going to a strip club with your deadbeat father? This is something you want to do? Has the world gone insane?
There's an idea called the social contract. The basic idea is that without the government, people will do whatever they want. I forget what that state is called. Its either the social wilderness or Alabama. The point is that without the social contract, if I want what you have, I will try to kill you and take your stuff. Or you'll try to kill me if I have something you want. Anarchy, social wilderness, mob rule, Alabama, its all the same.
In exchange for giving up my ability to kill, rape, and pillage, the government makes sure that others do not kill, rape and pillage. The government provides services and security, and in exchange, we don't kill everyone we don't like. Also, whenever the government fails, citizens have the right to kill the people in the government and make a new one. This sanctioned revolution is brought to us by the NRA and Thomas Jefferson.
So we have a social contract. This is generally accepted. But we also have a FAMILIAL contract, which is not as accepted. Basically, I believe that if you completely fail your role, I know longer need to accept you as a family member. Its not personal, its just practical.
If you are a father, you are supposed to provide guidance, love, protection, etc, to your children. If you are a mother, you are supposed to provide guidance, love, protection, etc, to your children. If you decide not to live with your children, you forfeit that. If you decide to be a lunatic, bi-polar woman who emotionally abuses your children, then you forfeit that.
Its not that I don't believe in forgiveness, its that I do believe in failure. If you fail your job, you get fired. If you fail your tests in school, you get flunked. Its just the way it is. Performance based. Its a beautiful idea.
So I'm not going to spend a bunch of time wondering if my father is having a good birthday. I'm not going to spend a bunch of time wishing I could go to Baby Dolls with my degenerate father (not that I go to Baby Dolls with my degenerate brothers. Love you guys). I'm going to fulfill my part of the social contract, my part of the familial contract and I'm going to do my best to fulfill my part of my spiritual contract.
I don't need to think about some loser in Nebraska. I have a Father. That's good enough for me.
And I used to think "I want to have kids and be a better father than my father". No more. First of all, that's a pretty low standard. Secondly, I'm not going to judge myself based on other people. I'm so sick of this rush to the bottom, this at least I'm better than person A mentality.
I want to be the best father of my hypothetical children that I can be. I want to be the best at my job that I can be. I want to be the best hypothetical husband that I can be. I want to hold myself to an actual standard, not to the least possible requirements.
I'm not worried about going to a strip club with my father. I'm worried about being a good man in the eyes of my Father.
The earthly one gave me next to nothing. The heavenly one gave me grace and guidance. The earthly one, once again, can suck my balls.
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