The Hypocrite Awards

My good friend and secret lover Rush Limbaugh is in the news for making an idiotic comment about race. (See post below). In honor of Rush, I am making an award for all the moral crusaders who turn out to be moral degenerates. The award will be known as the Limbaugh. Here are the finalists.

Number 5.

In a coup, Rush is the first finalist for his namesake award! Why? Well because our favorite moral crusader not only pops pills but is also getting a divorce from his third wife. Third? Seriously? That sounds like Hollywood, not the Heartland. And oh yeah, Rush said Michael J. Fox, who has Parkinson's, faked his condition. Thanks a lot, Rush! You validate my liberal worldview!

Number 4

Mark Foley

Overly-friendly congressman Mark Foley is a fun-loving Republican from Florida. He sexually harrassed male pages (pages are under 18) sending them explicit emails. Highlights include,

Foley: Do I make you a little horny?

Page: A little.

I would post a picture, but I'm pretty sure my computer screen would melt because of this pervert.

Number 3

Bill Clinton

On a bi-partisan note, maybe Bill Clinton shouldn't be signing the Defense of Marriage Act considering he's a lying adulterer who let a multi-year sex scandel distract the nation. Thanks Bill!

With our powers combined, we can make the worst president ever!

Number 2

There was a lot of competition for the number 2 spot, but this is strictly an award for hypocrites. The Limbaugh is too prestigious to be simply given to some evil creep, it has to be an evil hypocritical creep. Which brings us to............

Rudy Giuliani. While Rudy was spending time cleaning up New York City of all its sex clubs, etc, he was also cheating on his wife. Um, his second wife, that is. (Rudy's been married three times, all together. He and Rush must hang in the same circles). Not only did he have a mistress, but he wanted to bring her into Gracie Mansion while he was still married. For all the grief Bill Clinton caused Hillary, he never tried to build bunk beds for Monica.

So thanks Rudy, for cheating on your wife and rubbing her face in it. You were pretty close to winning the Limbaugh, but you weren't quite enough of a hypocrite. A degnerate? Well that's a different award.

Man, if he would only get married two more times, he could be the Person of the Century. Seriously, shouldn't this matter?

And then there was Number 1.

There's really only one person it could be. Only one person can win the coveted Limbaugh Award for Hypocrisy. Sure, some of the other candidates were pill poppers. Most were disgusting, cheating perverts. But how can you possibly be the most hypocritical person in America. How can you possibly out shine Rudy and Rush's combined 6 marriages? Here's how....

1. Become a preacher at a large Evangelical church.

2. Speak out against Gay Marriage.

3. Secretly be gay.

4. Buy methamphetamines and "massages" from a gay male escort.

5. Be interviewed for a movie called Jesus Camp.

Mix it all together and you get the Limbaugh award winner, my friend, your friend, everybody's friend...............Ted Haggard!!!!!!

Sometimes, when I solicit a male escort, I'm an Evangelical Preacher who wrote a book called "Taking it to the Streets". It could happen to anyone.