The Case for Hillary

Hillary Clinton is running for President. Barack Obama is running for President. Its difficult for me to decide which would matter more, a black President or a woman President. It is difficult to decide who has suffered more; women from sexism or African Americans. At first glance, it may not seem difficult, given the history of slavery, lynchings and Jim Crow laws. But you have to remember the constant, systematic oppression of women. Women were only recently allowed to own their own cars. Marital rape was only recently considered a crime. And women currently suffer a constant barrage of negativity and sexism. I wish I could go to Sports Illustrated and read about the Panthers and my university's somewhat crappy basketball team without seeing half naked swimsuit models in objectifying poses (and at this point in my life, the swimsuit models aren't even arousing. Thanks Dr. Finley and Paula. I'm pretty much a eunuch now).

But even if I can't wrap my head around the "do women or African Americans deserve it more", I can state very simply which candidate deserves it more, and that's Hillary Clinton. There is not a single Democratic candidate that embodies the Democratic Party more, that deserves it more, then Hillary. Not Barack, not John Edwards, no one. Hillary deserves the nomination and I would vote for her if I lived in a state that was so useless it had to boost its self esteem by hosting an early primary (I'm looking at you, South Carolina).

First, Hillary Clinton has a law degree. This is important. Why? Um, because the government's job is to write laws. The Supreme Court gets kind of pissy when Congress and the President come up with unconstitutional laws. Having a law degree should be part of the qualifications for being president. I don't have a law degree, which is part of why I shouldn't be president. I would ban the Republican party and give Texas back to Mexico. The Supreme Court would not like that. Which is a good thing.

Second, Hillary understands policy. She has been studying policy the majority of her life. She knows about health care, she knows about education. If Hillary were presenting the same health care plan that she produced in the mid 1990s, she would be widely praised. Remember, she came up with universal health care a decade ago, and now that's suddenly in fashion.

Third, Hillary is a grown up. After 9/11, Hillary voted to authorize the invasion of Iraq. Was that a mistake? Now it seems like it. But she doesn't recant her vote. She doesn't call for immediate withdrawal in an attempt to raise funds, like John Edwards. The atmosphere of the United States was different four years ago. And four years ago, the war wasn't yet a fiasco. It could have worked if we didn't have the Brush Clearer as commander in chief. Hilary was able to make a grown up decision. And she didn't make a political one. She based her decision on what she thought was best. That takes courage. Although I'd like to point out that someone like Max Cleland of Georgia showed more courage by voting against the war in a red state. We need someone with courage and conviction. We need someone who's stable. We've had two successive frat boy presidents. We need a grown up.

Fourth, Hillary's people are grown ups. Hilary is surrounded by policy wonks and by the people who won the last Democratic election. She is surrounded by people like Terry McAuliffe, the former Democratic Party Chairman (he was the sane one before Howard Dean. He was also the one who raised half a billion dollars). She is surrounded by people who have been in the Democratic Party their entire lives. She is surrounded by people with positions and policies and plans (Unlike Barack Obama, who isn't exactly a policy wonk and definitely doesn't have the same caliber of people around him). Hillary Clinton and her people are a government in exile. A group of grown ups ready to take over in 2008.

Fifth, Hillary Clinton is a moderate. Which is a good thing. This doesn't mean she's a closet Republican, it means she has a brain. The liberal wing of the Democratic Party, people like myself, does not need to be in charge. Look at Bush. He's insane, mostly because the people who back him are insane. The fringe does not need to have that much of an impact. President Bush shouldn't be calling in support at abortion rallies and talking to Pat Robertson. Hilary shouldn't and wouldn't talk to Michael Moore and Dennis Kucinich. This should be applauded. And the fact is, we will get more of what we want from a moderate Democratic President then some left winger. I would love to end the war tomorrow, have gay people get married and blow up Fox News, but its not going to happen. And it shouldn't. The President runs a country, not a club. A country needs stability. We need a moderate Democrat.

Sixth, Hillary can win. She has a great support staff for a reason. She's not like John Edwards down in Chapel Hill trying to russle up whoever he can get. She's not like Barack Obama trying to fund a Presidential race with his book sales. She has the money, the staff, the policies and the determination to win.

Seventh, Hillary knows how to fight. This is the woman who said there was a "vast right wing conspiracy" against her and her family. Now I don't think she actually believes that, but when the right hit her, she hit back. She knows how to fight and will fight. And after watching John Kerry's inability to defend his record in Vietnam and after watching Al Gore beat himself, I would like to see someone who knows how to stand up for themselves. Part of me knows not to mess with Hillary, which is a good thing.

Eighth, Hillary IS a good example. She married a philandering pig. She should have cut his balls off, that's true. But at the same time, Hillary is a woman who worked hard all her life, in college, in law school, in Arkansas, in Washington and in the Senate. She is an example to little boys and girls that you don't have to be the richest person in the world, you just have to work the hardest. She is an example of a smart, hard working woman and should be embraced.

Ninth, Bill would be "First Gentleman". This could work out one of a couple of ways. First, Bill could be a regal, refined statesman, traveling the world and fixing problems. Or he could stay with his pig headed nature in which case Hillary could shoot him in the head and then have Vice President Obama pardon her. Either way is fine with me.

And finally, Hillary should win because she is a DEMOCRAT. She has a record. She votes the way she's supposed to and would veto bad bills. But the most important thing is that she has been in the party for decades. She has put in the time and the effort. She is the captain of the varsity team. Let Edwards and Obama fight over the JV squad. You know what you're going to get when you vote for Hillary. You're getting a stable, hardworking, intelligent, experienced adult. You're getting the anti-Bush. And that is exactly what we need.