We need to explain capitalism better

Apparently a Chinese toy factory shipped over toys with excessive amounts of lead. So not only will Barbie give your daughter an unhealthy view of her own body, and not only will Batman teach your son be overly aggressive and to view the world in black and white, but the toys could also kill them.

The boss of the factory responded the worst way possible. He killed himself. His product had a little extra lead (which could have been a plus if only it had been marketed properly) and he hung himself. I thought we were supposed to teach the rest of the world capitalism. Clearly, we are failing.

The first rule about capitalism is the only thing that matters is making money. If some kid can't handle a little extra lead, that's not the companies fault. And the toys didn't even kill anyone. Sure, they were linked to brain damage, but this is America. There's a one in four chance that the kid was going to be an idiot anyway.

Secondly, there is plenty of money to be made by killing people. I would hate to think that the CEO of Phillip Morris would kill himself just because his product kills hundreds of thousands of people every year. Every night, someone in Charlotte drives into a wall because their drunk, but that doesn't keep Pete Coors from running for the Senate. And I would hate to think that some mining company CEO would apologize for creating unsafe work conditions and getting people killed. C'mon people, lets keep it together.

China does so well, it just needs a little help. Remember, all my Chinese industrialist friends, remember the most important rule in running a business..........its not your fault. Its never your fault. When you accept responsibility, the terrorists win. Terrorists hate capitalism and love accepting responsibility.

So just remember, when your product kills millions of people, don't accept responsibility, just ask for more research to be done. Maybe lead has some positive health benefits. The health Nazis never thought of that, did they? And never kill yourself just because your product kills people. That lead paint was probably cheaper then the lead intolerant alternative. And if it was cheaper, you just helped out your shareholders. So don't kill yourself, give yourself a raise.