Victor Harris. Not only did he basically win a game for Virginia Tech, he also has the nickname "Macho." Plus, he can outrun me if he was on foot and I was in my car.
Monday, September 3, 2007
Poor Michigan
I actually have an App State t-shirt somewhere in my closet. I just hate that they had to beat a great academic school that appreciates diversity. There are plenty of shaddy borderline racist schools in the top 25 that App could have beaten. Plus they lost on two blocked field goals. Lame. So lame.
Oh well. At least Virginia Tech won. And the Charlotte 49ers are undefeated! Since 1946!
Oh well. At least Virginia Tech won. And the Charlotte 49ers are undefeated! Since 1946!
Thursday, August 30, 2007
People in Glass Houses
I realized today that I might be too judgmental. Maybe I'm giving Senator Larry Craig a bum rap. Maybe I'm being too hard on him. Maybe, just maybe, I'm a closeted homosexual that will one day become a United States senator. Who am I to judge? Am I really ready to cast the first stone, knowing that I may in fact solicit a cop in an airport bathroom?
So I'll look at this logically. Um, kind of logically. What are the real differences between me and Larry?
Signs that I may in fact be a closeted homosexual:
Lets see.....I really like Rascal Flatts. Sometimes I get emotional during the "My Wish" song. Okay, I always get emotional. That would suggest that I'm gay.
What else? Well, I've given my cat multiple nicknames. I have more than one picture of my cat in my cellphone. I also worry about said cat when I'm gone. What if she's bored? What if she's lonely? Of course she's a cat and gets entertainment from chasing tiny balls with bells in them, but still I worry. And give her nicknames. So that would also suggest that I'm gay.
I'm from Concord, North Carolina, I'm twenty-three and I haven't gotten anyone pregnant. That is a very strong indicator that I may in fact be a homosexual.
And finally, I have gone to a martini bar Uptown and felt like I was Charlotte from Sex in the City. (I'm Charlotte because I have a secret desire to be a stay at home mom). My brother Jason is Samantha because he says inappropriate things. Hunter is Carrie because he lacks direction and spends too much money. I think I know who Miranda is. A hot lawyer who doesn't put up with crap, yeah, I think I know who that is. Anyway, if going to a martini bar didn't suggest I was gay then explaining it with a Sex in the City metaphor would strongly suggest that I am a fan of phallic symbols.
So what's the difference?
How is my behavior so different than Larry Craig? (Assuming Larry Craig has also done all the gay stuff I talked about). Couldn't I be a closeted homosexual? In fact, if I wrote that I wasn't a closeted homosexual, it would suggest I was in denial, meaning that I am in fact a closeted homosexual. I'm almost ready to plan my civil union in Massachusetts.
I guess the difference between me and Larry Craig is that I have never solicited another man in an airport bathroom. In fact, I've never solicited a man at all. Larry Craig was involved in the last paige scandal in the 1980s. Apparently Republicans were having sex with underage boys back then too. Allegedly. I can say with a clear conscience that I have never been attracted to underage boys. Or underage girls. I think it has something to do with having a soul.
I'm also not attracted to men, which I guess is probably a condition for being gay. Don't get me wrong, I would make sweet sweet love to Ted Haggard, but only for jokes. And I would take Dennis Kucinich's breath away, but that's because not many people have had sex with a leprechaun, and it would be a cool story to tell. But other than for amusement purposes or to say I made love to a mythical being, guys just don't really do it for me.
But what if?
What if being gay is a choice? What if I could choose to be attracted to the hairier, dumber sex? Well, I still wouldn't choose. Because honestly, I would much rather be with women then have the inane conversations that men have. Do women gossip? Probably, I'm not really let in on that. But I do know that men with have multiple conversations about how great Lebron James is and how much better Miller Lite is then Bud Light. Which is true, in the sense that George Bush is not functionally retarded, only really, really stupid. I don't really long for conversations about college football with people who didn't go to college.
The thick gay line
Apparently the only difference between Larry Craig and I is that Larry likes, um, a euphemism for penis. Now Larry does say that he's not gay, which I will say too. The only difference is that when I say I'm not gay, its not at a press conference that was called after I solicited an undercover cop for sex in an airport bathroom.
Believe me, sometimes I wish I was. It would really make my mom mad, and then she might not call me, which would be fantastic. But I am sadly not a closeted, self-loathing homosexual. If I was, I would be a Republican. But my voting record says I'm a Democrat.
Although, if Larry wants to have some midnight loving down by the fire.......well it would be pretty funny. (Call me, Senator!)
So I'll look at this logically. Um, kind of logically. What are the real differences between me and Larry?
Signs that I may in fact be a closeted homosexual:
Lets see.....I really like Rascal Flatts. Sometimes I get emotional during the "My Wish" song. Okay, I always get emotional. That would suggest that I'm gay.
What else? Well, I've given my cat multiple nicknames. I have more than one picture of my cat in my cellphone. I also worry about said cat when I'm gone. What if she's bored? What if she's lonely? Of course she's a cat and gets entertainment from chasing tiny balls with bells in them, but still I worry. And give her nicknames. So that would also suggest that I'm gay.
I'm from Concord, North Carolina, I'm twenty-three and I haven't gotten anyone pregnant. That is a very strong indicator that I may in fact be a homosexual.
And finally, I have gone to a martini bar Uptown and felt like I was Charlotte from Sex in the City. (I'm Charlotte because I have a secret desire to be a stay at home mom). My brother Jason is Samantha because he says inappropriate things. Hunter is Carrie because he lacks direction and spends too much money. I think I know who Miranda is. A hot lawyer who doesn't put up with crap, yeah, I think I know who that is. Anyway, if going to a martini bar didn't suggest I was gay then explaining it with a Sex in the City metaphor would strongly suggest that I am a fan of phallic symbols.
So what's the difference?
How is my behavior so different than Larry Craig? (Assuming Larry Craig has also done all the gay stuff I talked about). Couldn't I be a closeted homosexual? In fact, if I wrote that I wasn't a closeted homosexual, it would suggest I was in denial, meaning that I am in fact a closeted homosexual. I'm almost ready to plan my civil union in Massachusetts.
I guess the difference between me and Larry Craig is that I have never solicited another man in an airport bathroom. In fact, I've never solicited a man at all. Larry Craig was involved in the last paige scandal in the 1980s. Apparently Republicans were having sex with underage boys back then too. Allegedly. I can say with a clear conscience that I have never been attracted to underage boys. Or underage girls. I think it has something to do with having a soul.
I'm also not attracted to men, which I guess is probably a condition for being gay. Don't get me wrong, I would make sweet sweet love to Ted Haggard, but only for jokes. And I would take Dennis Kucinich's breath away, but that's because not many people have had sex with a leprechaun, and it would be a cool story to tell. But other than for amusement purposes or to say I made love to a mythical being, guys just don't really do it for me.
But what if?
What if being gay is a choice? What if I could choose to be attracted to the hairier, dumber sex? Well, I still wouldn't choose. Because honestly, I would much rather be with women then have the inane conversations that men have. Do women gossip? Probably, I'm not really let in on that. But I do know that men with have multiple conversations about how great Lebron James is and how much better Miller Lite is then Bud Light. Which is true, in the sense that George Bush is not functionally retarded, only really, really stupid. I don't really long for conversations about college football with people who didn't go to college.
The thick gay line
Apparently the only difference between Larry Craig and I is that Larry likes, um, a euphemism for penis. Now Larry does say that he's not gay, which I will say too. The only difference is that when I say I'm not gay, its not at a press conference that was called after I solicited an undercover cop for sex in an airport bathroom.
Believe me, sometimes I wish I was. It would really make my mom mad, and then she might not call me, which would be fantastic. But I am sadly not a closeted, self-loathing homosexual. If I was, I would be a Republican. But my voting record says I'm a Democrat.
Although, if Larry wants to have some midnight loving down by the fire.......well it would be pretty funny. (Call me, Senator!)
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Its like my birthday will never end
Here's what the cop wrote in his arrest report:
At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot.... The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area. Craig then proceeded to swipe his hand under the stall divider several times.
And here's how Larry stated that:
"that he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom and that his foot may have touched mine." Craig also told the arresting officer that he reached down with his right hand to pick up a piece of paper that was on the floor. "
Officer Catch Republicans soliciting sex in bathrooms said in his report:
"It should be noted that there was not a piece of paper on the bathroom floor, nor did Craig pick up a piece of paper,"
Oh Larry, I do love you. I didn't even know you last week, but now I realize you're my best friend. Lets go to Scorpio's next week. (Scorpio's bathroom has to be more sanitary than an AIRPORT bathroom.)
I think I need to get tested. This story makes me feel dirty.
At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot.... The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area. Craig then proceeded to swipe his hand under the stall divider several times.
And here's how Larry stated that:
"that he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom and that his foot may have touched mine." Craig also told the arresting officer that he reached down with his right hand to pick up a piece of paper that was on the floor. "
Officer Catch Republicans soliciting sex in bathrooms said in his report:
"It should be noted that there was not a piece of paper on the bathroom floor, nor did Craig pick up a piece of paper,"
Oh Larry, I do love you. I didn't even know you last week, but now I realize you're my best friend. Lets go to Scorpio's next week. (Scorpio's bathroom has to be more sanitary than an AIRPORT bathroom.)
I think I need to get tested. This story makes me feel dirty.
Senator Larry Craig statement
Oh Larry, the trials you suffer. I know, I know. You're not gay and you never have been. But if you are, you can go to a camp that will fix it. Or at least allow the delusions to continue. Remember, you're not gay, I'm not white and my cat does not have a tail.
"First, please let me apologize to my family, friends, staff, and fellow Idahoans for the cloud placed over Idaho. I did nothing wrong at the Minneapolis airport. I regret my decision to plead guilty and the sadness that decision has brought to my wife, family, friends, staff, and fellow Idahoans. For that I apologize.
"In June, I overreacted and made a poor decision. While I was not involved in any inappropriate conduct at the Minneapolis airport or anywhere else, I chose to plead guilty to a lesser charge in the hope of making it go away. I did not seek any counsel, either from an attorney, staff, friends, or family. That was a mistake, and I deeply regret it. Because of that, I have now retained counsel and I am asking my counsel to review this matter and to advise me on how to proceed.
"For a moment, I want to put my state of mind into context on June 11. For 8 months leading up to June, my family and I had been relentlessly and viciously harassed by the Idaho Statesman. If you’ve seen today’s paper, you know why. Let me be clear: I am not gay and never have been.
"Still, without a shred of truth or evidence to the contrary, the Statesman has engaged in this witch hunt. In pleading guilty, I overreacted in Minneapolis, because of the stress of the Idaho Statesman’s investigation and the rumors it has fueled around Idaho. Again, that overreaction was a mistake, and I apologize for my misjudgment. Furthermore, I should not have kept this arrest to myself, and should have told my family and friends about it. I wasn’t eager to share this failure, but I should have done so anyway.
"I love my wife, family, friends, staff, and Idaho. I love serving Idaho in Congress. Over the years, I have accomplished a lot for Idaho, and I hope Idahoans will allow me to continue to do that. There are still goals I would like to accomplish, and I believe I can still be an effective leader for Idaho. Next month, I will announce, as planned, whether or not I will seek reelection.
"As an elected official, I fully realize that my life is open for public criticism and scrutiny, and I take full responsibility for the mistake in judgment I made in attempting to handle this matter myself.
"It is clear, though, that through my actions I have brought a cloud over Idaho. For that, I ask the people of Idaho for their forgiveness.
"As I mentioned earlier, I have now retained counsel to examine this matter and I will make no further comment."
"First, please let me apologize to my family, friends, staff, and fellow Idahoans for the cloud placed over Idaho. I did nothing wrong at the Minneapolis airport. I regret my decision to plead guilty and the sadness that decision has brought to my wife, family, friends, staff, and fellow Idahoans. For that I apologize.
"In June, I overreacted and made a poor decision. While I was not involved in any inappropriate conduct at the Minneapolis airport or anywhere else, I chose to plead guilty to a lesser charge in the hope of making it go away. I did not seek any counsel, either from an attorney, staff, friends, or family. That was a mistake, and I deeply regret it. Because of that, I have now retained counsel and I am asking my counsel to review this matter and to advise me on how to proceed.
"For a moment, I want to put my state of mind into context on June 11. For 8 months leading up to June, my family and I had been relentlessly and viciously harassed by the Idaho Statesman. If you’ve seen today’s paper, you know why. Let me be clear: I am not gay and never have been.
"Still, without a shred of truth or evidence to the contrary, the Statesman has engaged in this witch hunt. In pleading guilty, I overreacted in Minneapolis, because of the stress of the Idaho Statesman’s investigation and the rumors it has fueled around Idaho. Again, that overreaction was a mistake, and I apologize for my misjudgment. Furthermore, I should not have kept this arrest to myself, and should have told my family and friends about it. I wasn’t eager to share this failure, but I should have done so anyway.
"I love my wife, family, friends, staff, and Idaho. I love serving Idaho in Congress. Over the years, I have accomplished a lot for Idaho, and I hope Idahoans will allow me to continue to do that. There are still goals I would like to accomplish, and I believe I can still be an effective leader for Idaho. Next month, I will announce, as planned, whether or not I will seek reelection.
"As an elected official, I fully realize that my life is open for public criticism and scrutiny, and I take full responsibility for the mistake in judgment I made in attempting to handle this matter myself.
"It is clear, though, that through my actions I have brought a cloud over Idaho. For that, I ask the people of Idaho for their forgiveness.
"As I mentioned earlier, I have now retained counsel to examine this matter and I will make no further comment."
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
All my friends are leaving
First, it was Turd Blossom. (W's affectionate nickname for him).
Now Alberto "I don't recall" Gonzales.
Who's left? Rummy's gone. Alberto's gone. Rove's gone. I think Harriet Meirs is gone too, but since I'm pretty sure she was just a hologram, it's hard to tell. All we have now is Bush, Cheney and Condi. Sure, Bush could invade Iran, and Cheney will probably shoot one of his friends again, but still.......it doesn't seem right. Its like having Christmas without the lights. Or a lunatic fringe government without the man who stole elections for them and the man who thought it was fine to torture people.
Only 511 more days of this nightmare......
Now Alberto "I don't recall" Gonzales.
Who's left? Rummy's gone. Alberto's gone. Rove's gone. I think Harriet Meirs is gone too, but since I'm pretty sure she was just a hologram, it's hard to tell. All we have now is Bush, Cheney and Condi. Sure, Bush could invade Iran, and Cheney will probably shoot one of his friends again, but still.......it doesn't seem right. Its like having Christmas without the lights. Or a lunatic fringe government without the man who stole elections for them and the man who thought it was fine to torture people.
Only 511 more days of this nightmare......
You know, if it only happened once......
Senator Larry Craig of Idaho is being accused of lewd conduct in a public bathroom. He plead guilty to misdemeanor disorderly conduct. Here's a little snippet from the article.
Roll Call, citing the report, said Sgt. Dave Karsnia made the arrest after an encounter in which he was seated in a stall next to a stall occupied by Craig. Karsnia described Craig tapping his foot, which Karsnia said he "recognized as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct."
Roll Call quoted the Aug. 8 police report as saying that Craig had handed the arresting officer a business card that identified him as a member of the Senate.
"What do you think about that?" Craig is alleged to have said, according to the report.
Then came my favorite part..........
Last fall, Craig called allegations from a gay-rights activist that he's had homosexual relationships "completely ridiculous."
Mike Rogers, who bills himself as a gay activist blogger, published the allegations on his Web site, http://www.blogactive.com, in October 2006.
This is all alleged of course. I don't know how reliable Mr. Rogers is (although I'd like to state that if I have a gay son, I want his boyfriend to be a "gay activist blogger." At least that way I won't have to wonder how gay he is. The answer will be: really gay).
So is the senator from Idaho a closeted homosexual? I hope so, for my own entertainment purposes. But if he was, he wouldn't be the first Republican or evangelical Christian to turn out to, um, fancy lads.
If your gay, just accept it. Or at least, if your a gay Republican, don't hire a male escort (I'm looking at you Ted) or allegedly hit on a cop.
Roll Call, citing the report, said Sgt. Dave Karsnia made the arrest after an encounter in which he was seated in a stall next to a stall occupied by Craig. Karsnia described Craig tapping his foot, which Karsnia said he "recognized as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct."
Roll Call quoted the Aug. 8 police report as saying that Craig had handed the arresting officer a business card that identified him as a member of the Senate.
"What do you think about that?" Craig is alleged to have said, according to the report.
Then came my favorite part..........
Last fall, Craig called allegations from a gay-rights activist that he's had homosexual relationships "completely ridiculous."
Mike Rogers, who bills himself as a gay activist blogger, published the allegations on his Web site, http://www.blogactive.com, in October 2006.
This is all alleged of course. I don't know how reliable Mr. Rogers is (although I'd like to state that if I have a gay son, I want his boyfriend to be a "gay activist blogger." At least that way I won't have to wonder how gay he is. The answer will be: really gay).
So is the senator from Idaho a closeted homosexual? I hope so, for my own entertainment purposes. But if he was, he wouldn't be the first Republican or evangelical Christian to turn out to, um, fancy lads.
If your gay, just accept it. Or at least, if your a gay Republican, don't hire a male escort (I'm looking at you Ted) or allegedly hit on a cop.
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