Mmmm Tasty

Oh Hillary! You so crazy! You won't bow to the will of the people or to math. Hillary Clinton shouldn't back down though. Because she's principled! She has ideals! She needs to fight for the working class and for health care!

What's that? Hillary didn't pay for her campaign staff's health care benefits? Seriously? She has $292,000 in unpaid health care premiums for her campaign staff?

Oh the irony. It tastes so good! This blog is officially powered by humus, irony and dumb comments by John McCain. Thank you, HRC. That was delicious.

Super Sexy

This is a few days old. But when Bill Richardson endorses Obama AND sports super sexy new facial hair, it has to be mentioned. Doesn't Richardson look Vice Presidential? Is it hot in here or is it Bill Richardson? Never shave Bill, never shave.



Also, James Carville loses his mind and Pennsylvania Senator Bob Casey is endorsing Obama. Here's hoping Bob Casey grows a mountain man beard in the next five minutes. Rumor is, that's what happens when you endorse Obama.

Fair and Balanced Quiz

Answers and bashing of John McCain to follow.

First question

Is Al Qaeda a Sunni or a Shia group?

A. Sunni
B. Shia
C. I don't care! They're all the same!

Second question

Why are the Sunnis and Shia two distinct groups?

A. Questions about the succession line from the Prophet Muhammad
B. Sunnis sold indulgences and wanted a centralized religion while Shia were from Northern Europe and didn't want to follow the instructions of the Pope.
C. I don't care! They're all the same!

Third question

Is Iran a Sunni or Shia country?

A. Shia
B. Sunni
C. I don't care! They're all the same!

Fourth question

Given that Iran is a Shia country and Al Qaeda is a Sunni group, would Iran support and train Al Qaeda?

A. No
B. Yes
C. 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11

Fifth question

What Presidential candidate said it was "common knowledge and has been reported in the media that al-Qaeda is going back into Iran and receiving training and are coming back into Iraq from Iran, that's well known. And it's unfortunate."

A. John McCain, complete moron.
B. Oh my God! al-Qaeda is receiving training from Iran!
C. John McCain, American hero.


And without further ado, here are the answers;

If you answered A to each question, Congradulations! You are literate, aware and hopefully will vote in November.

If you answered B to each question, You're not so smart! Please don't vote in November.

If you answered C to each question, Congradulations! You are a Republican party hack who thinks all Muslims are the same and John McCain isn't an evil deranged moron without a firm grasp on the ongoing conflicts of the world! As Democratic party hacks, we salute you! See you in November!

Its Balanced, Don't Cha Know

Our friends at CNN, MSNBC, Fox, have this fun habit. When discussing the news of the day, they bring two very biased people and act like this makes things neutral. For example, John McCain said this, so we brought on a Democratic strategist and a Republican strategist. Or they discuss immigration, so they bring in the president of Mexican Americans Are Super Cool and Pat Buchanan.

This is the best way to live your life, don't cha know? If you have dietary questions, makes sure and ask a anorexic person and a morbidly obese person. If you have questions about the environment, ask Earth First and Exxon. And if you have questions about sex ask a gay guy and Pat Haggard.

Chris Matthews vs Lou Dobbs in a Steel Cage Death Match

Chris Matthews, slightly drunk and wearing a Viking helmet, strides into the arena. He knows the truth. He will crush Dobbs and assert the supremacy of MSNBC. He is out of shape, but that's where the alcohol comes in. He may get hit more, but he won't feel it. Matthews the Destroyer will make Dobbs rue the day he stepped into the Cage. Ha!

Lou Dobbs, grumbling under his breath and popping pills from an unmarked container, enters from the other side. Dressed in a World Wrestling Entertainment costume, complete with leotard and flamming cape, with the name "Lou Mysterio" proudly emblazzoned on his cape and in block letters on his ass. Lou Dobbs looks over at his opponent, his face filled with disgust. If there's one thing he hates more than Mexicans, its the Irish.

The referree comes forward, and tells the crowd the rules. Each fighter will give three qoutes, in an attempt to tell the most offensive and/or idotic quote of Cable News Television.

Lets get it on, bitches!


Chris Matthews strikes first, a flask of whiskey clearly visible. "There's the historic Jesse Jackson. There's the great orator, one of the best in the country. There's a guy who has a heart. And there's a guy who's kind of an ass too."

Lou Dobbs isn't fazed. He can't believe Matthews is bringing this weak shit. Dobbs booms the following blast. "“What you won’t see on our broadcast is ‘fair and balanced journalism.’ You will not see ‘objective journalism.’ The truth is not ‘fair and balanced.’ There is a nonpartisan, independent reality that doesn’t give a damn, frankly, what two Democrats and two Republicans think about anything or say about anything.”

Matthews shrugs it off and lets out his next moronic outburst. "I think what she ought to do is forget this frickin' presidency idea, because she'll never be able to bring him back with her, the American people don't want him hanging around upstairs, hanging out with Hugh Rodham in front of the refrigerator, making up lists of pardons."

Dobbs, smelling blood in the water, "One third of all inmates in federal prisons are illegal immigrants". (The number is closer to 6 percent. The crime rate is actually lower for immigrants than citizens).

Matthews, wondering why he's still here, slurs the following. "I know one thing: There are a billion Islamic people in the world today, and there will be about 2 billion by the time we're dead. They're not going to give up their religion."

Lou Dobbs knows he's won. Matthews is clearly drunk, blabbering about who knows what. Dobbs has a knockout blow planned. "Illegal immigrants cause leprosy."

Matthews seems stunned. Really? Leprosy? He thinks about it a second time, and his head explodes.

The referee grabs Dobbs by the hand and lifts the Champ's arm into the air. A janitor sweeps the remains of Matthews' cranium into a trash bag and then spreads saw dust over the bloody mess.

Que?

Obama's the black candidate, apparently, because he won Mississippi and the black vote there. Seeing as it was the Mississippi DEMOCRATIC primary, who was he supposed to win over? All those liberal white voters in Mississippi?

Here, for the sake of not having an anuerysm, is a partial list of states that Obama has won, with the corresponding white population percentage of the state:


Iowa - 94.6% white
Nebraska - 91.8% white
Wyoming - 94.5% white
Idaho - 95.2%
Kansas - 89.1%
Maine - 96.7%
Utah - 93.5%
North Dakota - 91.9%
Wisconsin - 90%


So Barack Obama has an ADVANTAGE because he's black? Black people in this country make up 12.8 percent of the population. Compared to the 80.1 percent of the population made up of us crackers. (Side note, in surveys whites overestimate the population size of minorities and underestimate the size of their on population.)

Of course, those are just Census statistics. Maybe there's a lot of anecdotel evidence that black men have it easier than others. A hundred dollars to whoever can find evidence of the advanteges of being black.

The Next New York Governor

is David Paterson, who is both the state's first black governor and the country's first legally blind governor. Hopefully he'll be around for a while.

Obligatory Spitzer Comments

Eliot Spitzer, former Governor of New York, spent 80,000 dollars on hookers and has to step down. There is a question as to whether he will face charges. Um, isn't prostitution illegal? He shouldn't face charges. He should be shot. Its called a deterent. A helpful little reminder to people not to exploit others.

There is a lot of talk about this being a private act or not that big of a deal. Two consenting adults, "why can't you charge for what you can give away for free?" that sort of thing. First, its not as though the girl wanted to have sex with Spitzer. They even talked about how Spitzer liked to do things that weren't "exactly safe". Does this sound like something she wanted to do? She was PAID. As in, compensation for things she didn't want to do.

Second, its not about the prostitute or the governor. Its about who Spitzer hurt, namely his family. Drinking isn't illegal, drunk driving is. Why? Because then your behavior harms other people. Having sex isn't illegal, soliciting a prostitute is. Why? Because it hurts the prostitute and it hurts the persons family. The victim in all this isn't Eliot Spitzer. Its his wife, his children, and to a lesser extent the girl who he slept with.

Third, sexual immorality hurts people. Sorry, it does. When you cheat on your wife, you hurt your wife, and your kids. You break a sacred trust. Even if you don't believe marriage is sacred, marriage should be based on love. And you shouldn't want to hurt people you love.

It is evident that the blog's significant other would cut off the blog's balls in the event of infidelity, and the blog is fine with that. Because if the blog was married to Eliot Spitzer or Bill Clinton, the blog would be in prison.

For the record

Obama leads in delegates, states won and the popular vote. She Who Must Not Be Named leads in, well, um, when she smiles she can open her mouth wider than an alligator, and that's cool.

So one side has an edge in money, delegates, states won and the popular vote. And the other side has...........

Chris Matthews

keeps saying "ghettoize", which isn't a word. As in, "Is She Who Must Not Be Named trying to ghettoize Barack Obama?" Really? Ghettoize?

It is difficult to tell if Chris Matthews is a racist or an idiot (not that they're mutually exclusive). He's mostly a sexist, mostly.

Someone please put a muzzle on Chris Matthews.

No More HRC

The blog is taking a break from Hillary bashing. Not that the blog hates her less, but it feels redundant at this point. "HRC said something offensive," "Geraldine Ferraro is insane," "Bill Clinton is a douche"....Its a little old right now. It probably won't be in a week or so.

In case you need HRC bashing, click here.

Peace out, Hil Dawg. The blog will give you a couple of weeks to say something offensive.