Joe Biden's favorite activity

Make a list of people I want to kill? Absolutely!


I'm Joe Biden! I'll kill a mutha f--ka! Give me that purple drank, lawya! I mean, I'm a lawya! Gots to drink that drank and head to the club! Biden be trippin' on e at Club Eclipse 'cause he don't give a f--k!

Whabacha!!!!!

Actual Debate Observations

1. John Edwards is the best politician we have right now. I don't think he's going to win, because Hillary has too many organizational assets. I also wouldn't vote for him, because I don't agree with him on trade, which is important for me. But if Hillary wasn't in the race, I would vote for John. He's a solid progressive plus he's a great politician. I'm glad we have depth, unlike the Republicans. I would feel comfortable voting for Hillary, John, or Bill Richardson. I don't know how many people are comfortable voting for John McCain, Rudy or Nutjob Romney.

2. Barack Obama is a horrible politician and may in fact be a moron. He's like our Reagan. People like him, he sounds good, but I have no idea what he's saying, ever. Either he's a moron or I am. I'm going with him, if nothing else for my own self esteem.

3. Joe Biden is drunk. And he doesn't care. Don't mess with him!

The 8,493rd Democratic Presidential Debate Continued

Here are some other quotes, more or less.


Bill Richardson: I am the only person who has ever negotiated with a foreign country. I am the most experienced. I am a mild salsa that tastes delicious. Not overpowering, but spicy enough. I want to make babies with Hillary, I mean I want to be Vice President, I mean, try my salsa. I can govern. I can manage. I can balance budgets. I'm not bat f--king insane. I'm not going to win.

Dennis Kucinich: Don't mess with me lucky charms!

Chris Dodd: Look at all the bills I've written! Look at all the apple cider I've drank! Look at my beautiful, non-moving white mane! I can bring Conneticut and possibly New Hampshire's votes to the table! I am popular with almost 1 percent of the country! I am loud, obnoxious moron! Rah!

Joe Biden: I could kill everyone on this stage, eat a baby and still sleep well at night. I drank a fifth of whiskey before I came to the stage, but you can't tell, because I handlez my shiznit. I am a lawya! Don't mess with me! I will run you over with my car and then sue you for getting blood on my wind shield. I've done coke, meth, crack, and purple drank, but I can still kick all y'alls asses! Widen University represent! Biatch!

The 8,493rd Democratic Presidential Debate

Is on MSNBC. Here is what was said, more or less.



Hillary Clinton: Look at my warm center. I'll blow sh-t up, but we'll do it in a nice way. You cannot resist my nougaty nuances. I am powerful. I am mighty. I am woman, hear me roar!

John Edwards: Hillary is Bush lite. We must stop her.

Hillary Clinton: John doesn't have a job. I'm smarter than John.

John Edwards: The sky is falling! Hillary is the Devil!

Hillary Clinton: I'm smarter than John. I'm prettier than John.

John Edwards: (Sulking) I'm prettier. South Carolina.


Some other fun snippets.

Moderator: Senator Obama, what would you do about Iran?

Barack Obama: You see, what we need in this country, is hope. That's what no one else brings. Hope is like a butterfly floating on the wings of inspiration and chocolate. America needs inspiration and chocolate. More and more, I talk to people, and they say, the true problem is the obviousness of non-goodness. And I'm against non-goodness.

Moderator: Um, Senator, I was asking about Iran. What would you do about Iran?

Barack Obama: You see, what Iran needs, is hope. The audacity of a unicorn powered by love and the power of cuddling. A beautiful unicorn with candied apples for wings and caramel ribbons for a tail. We could all make love to the unicorn and enter a world with lollipops and candy canes, civil rights and Illinois.

Moderator: Senator Obama, what the f--k are you talking about?

Barack Obama: Hope and unicorns and my general sexiness.

Moderator: Can your wife be in charge if you get elected? Seeing as your a moron who never says anything?

Barack Obama: I believe that my wife is a beautiful, candy coated butterfly who will make love to a unicorn in order to bring cherries and fireflies to the rest of the world.

Moderator: Dear God, please kill me.

My favorite woodland creature

Its Dennis Kucinich! Workers of the world unite! Viva la Revolution!

Whenever I get depressed, I remember the magical wood elf that is Dennis Kucinich. Sure, the world is going to Hell in a hand basket, but at least there is a Socialist Leprachaun that is ready to make things right! Sure, Dennis will never get elected. But he'd be the best party guest ever. Well for a child's birthday party anyway, seeing as children love mythical creatures.

I love you, Dennis. And in the alternate reality where you are elected President, and therefore gay marriage is allowed, I would totally marry you. We would be Olson-Kuciniches and our Vegan children would be solar powered.

So stressed

I've almost broken down like ten times today. So much crap has happened today and its getting to me.

I'm working three jobs and I'm only doing really well at teaching my stats labs. This is my most important job, so that's good. But my other two are sucking. My econ development job is going fine, its just taking a lot out of me. I really dread getting up tomorrow, going to Kannapolis, and dealing with a whole days worth of that nonsense.

As for UFS, I actually got scolded today. My boss didn't say she wasn't happy with my work, but she said I could do a lot better. I'm getting penalized for stuff I can't control. I told her I couldn't go to a meeting on Thursday because I have to teach a stats lab. Her response "I know its important to make money but..." Um, no. If I don't teach my lab on Thursday, no one else can. I already asked. There are only three people in the whole department who can teach the labs and I am one of them. If I don't teach the lab, I have to cancel it. And I can't miss a lab to videotape a meeting. And I told her this a long time ago.

She says I did well on my grant research. Um, yes, because this is what I was in control of. I also got in trouble for not analyzing data which I couldn't access because of confidentiality reasons. How is this my fault? How am I in trouble for not analyzing data that I'm not allowed to analyze? Then I got in trouble for not analyzing survey research that I wasn't even told about. Is this some sort of messed up joke?

Next, I had to give written notice to end my lease today. This is fine. I don't want to live in this crappy apartment anymore, plus Hunter is moving out. I'll just get my own apartment. Which is fine. I'm just stressed out because I need to find someplace new to stay in December. The biggest complaint I have, really, is that I will have to live in an apartment for at least six more months, which means I won't be able to get a dog because of every complex's ridiculous pet fees.

I'm also coming down with a cold, while being cold in general. I am totally exhausted because of this, and I really can't handle getting a bunch of grief right now. Plus, Chloe is sick. I got her some medicine, but I'm still worried about her. I'm also incredibly worn out from my budgeting class.

But its okay. I just need to keep pushing. I am in a better place then I was five years ago, and I will be in a great place in five more years. I just need to keep pushing and working hard. I'll keep working hard at work and in class. I'll figure out a place to move to in December. Chloe will get better and I will get used to the weather.

I wish some Republican bigot would have sex with a dude so that I can feel better.

Me and My Gang

I am open to the idea of a chihuahua gang. I used to be like other guys and bitch about chihuahuas. But here's what I've learned in my ripe old age.

1. If something makes one person really happy and only mildly upsets the other person, you should do what makes the one person really happy.
2. A chihuahua for a women is compensation for hundreds of years of oppression and child birth pains. Its like reparations. 40 purses and a chihuahua.
3. Life is short. The world is screwed up. Am I really going to draw the line in the sand over a dog?
4. A gang is cool, whether its a chihuahua gang or the Bloods. Sorry CMPD, my chihuahua gang and I are Ride or Die!

What I want

I'm getting old. The older I get, the more I drift away from my family and the more I march towards stability. That's all I've wanted for a long time. I don't think my family is horrible, I'm just too old for a bunch of nonsense. I don't want to stumble home from a strip club at 2 in the morning. I don't want to go to awkward family dinners where we all pick on my youngest brother.

Here's what I want:

1. A cat (check).
2. A stable job (check).
3. A job I actually like (working on it).
4. A dog (working on it).
5. A house (working on it).
6. A partner/wife (working on it).
7. A child (not working on it, but I will eventually).

I feel like I'm doing pretty good so far. And by this time next year, I'll be able to afford a house, a dog and I will hopefully have a job that I like.

Here's what I don't want:

1. Drama.
2. Instability.
3. Nonsense from my family.

I've pretty much insulated myself from all of that. Its not that I don't love my family, I just love myself. So I'm not going to put up with a bunch of abuse and nonsense from them.

I don't know when all of this is going to fall into place. Hopefully sooner rather than later, but I don't have that much control over it. I do have control over going to work, going to school and, basically, handling my sh-t. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take care of my cat, take care of my masters and take care of myself. I let God work out the long term details.

My white trash nadir

The awkward flirting of 19 year old Office Max girls made me think of what is quite possibly the lowest point of my life. My white trash nadir, if you will. I didn't recognize it at the time, although I probably should have.

So I was supposed to go out with this girl. She wasn't incredible special but I liked her for some reason. Probably because my mind was clouded with pot smoke and a desperate desire to escape my family. Anyway, we're supposed to go out. But we can't.

Why?

Because I'm so broke, I don't have a car. (My mother actually said, "Choose college or a car. You can't have both". Thanks Ma).

But wait, why didn't she just drive?

Because she had a DUI and could only drive from home to work!

Is that not the most white trash thing......ever?


Somehow, I've escaped all of this. The fact that I've learned to walk upright, and I no longer fling my feces at other people may in fact be a miracle. Every night, I must pray......"Thank you Lord, for saving me from my white trash background. Thank you for granting me grace when I didn't deserve it. Here is your cut."

I'm irresistible, apparently

I had to go Office Max today to pick up something for work. I got to handle petty cash. It was all terribly exciting. To think, my job will trust me with 40 whole dollars! I felt like the emperor of China.

Anyway, while I was at Office Max, not one, but two employees flirted with me. I didn't flirt back, seeing as I'm in love with somebody, and I don't have any game,so it was actually a little awkward. They were flirtateous and I was like "Ring me up, women of ill repute!"

Both girls were classic Concord. You could tell that the highest grade they had completed was the 12th. No college for these beauties. I'm not just being a dick; one of them was telling me how much she missed high school. I need a little more than that.

But its nice to know that I could have my pick of under-educated Concord girls. I guess.

Three MBAs walk into a bar

and lose 7.9 billion dollars because they're a bunch of greedy morons!

Merril Lynch has done a "write-down" of 7.9 BILLION dollars. A "write-down" is not a loss or a mistake, mind you, because its a "write-down". For a real life example, my idiot roommate Hunter did not bounce a rent check, he simply had to "write-down" my bank account. A little confusion is all. He thought he had a thousand dollars in the bank, but apparently he only had forty-five cents and a mint from Thai House.

I think its pretty awesome when a company has a 94 percent loss on revenues in one year. It really makes me want to run out and buy some Merril Lynch stock! It can't get crappy! They have MBAs! Thousands of them! The good times will get rolling again!

Here's the deal; part of the reason why Merril Lynch has lost more money than any of us can comprehend, is because Merril Lynch insisted on carrying huge amounts of sub prime loans. Here's how a sub prime loan works:

Merril Lynch: Hey, I'm going to give you a house. With low interest rates!
Poor Person: Fantastic! This will really improve my life!
Merril Lynch: I know! Its awesome!
Poor Person: Are there any problems with this type of loan?
Merril Lynch: Oh not really. Other than the fact that we jack up your interest rate in three years to completely unsustainable levels, but at least our profit margins look kick ass this year!

Three years later.

Poor Person: I'm broke. My life is ruined. I have to default on my loan. Who knew I couldn't pay a 15% apr?
Merril Lynch: Not me, I promise.
Poor Person: What am I going to do? I'm homeless!
Merril Lynch: That sucks. You could stay in the guest room of my vacation house, I guess. I'll only charge you 200 a night.
Poor Person: My life is over. What's going to happen to you?
Merril Lynch: Nothing really. I'm going to "write-down" your loan, pretend it never happened. Then I'm going to blame you for being poor and unreliable. Then I'm going to snort coke off my diamond encrusted coke snorting table with iPod capabilities. Then I guess I'll whine about all the taxes I have to pay.


Okay, so maybe that's not the conversation verbatim. But still, IF YOU ARE A LOAN SHARK AND YOU'RE VICTIMS CAN'T PAY YOU HAVE TO JUMP OFF THE TOP FLOOR OF YOUR SKYSCRAPER YOU SOULESS, UNETHICAL DOUCHE!!!!!!

Sorry, I'm just sad I didn't get an MBA. They have way cooler terms for things. In government, we have to use "Revenues" and "Expenditures" and "Deficits".

Ugh.

T.I. Continued

My brother Josh on T.I.

Me: Hey, you heard T.I. bought a machine gun?
Josh: Don't mess with that mutha f--ka T.I., he's got a damn bazooka!

Tithing, Saving, Everything

Joel Osteen has a new book. Its about making millions of dollars and not feeling guilty about it. I don't mind Joel Osteen, I just think that the New Testament has more of an emphasis on poverty. So this is a spiritual and an economic argument for me.

I think this is the conclusion I have come to. Budgeting experts and finance experts say we should save 10-15 percent of our salaries. The Bible says we should give 10 percent as tithes. I think I want to do both. This is going to be extremely difficult, but I think I can do it.

I think one way to help will be to include contributions to charities in the 10 percent for tithing. I impulse give to charities. I don't know what it is. You tell me your doing a walk for something, or you know elderly nuns, you just need to give me a link or hold out a bucket. I'm not saying this to brag about myself, I'm also a mildly impulsive shopper. But I think if I give at least 7 or 8 percent of my salary to church and the impulse giving counts for the rest, I can do it.

I also think I can save 10 percent of my money. Fortunately, once I get my MPA I'll be making a lot more. I also have some debt to pay off, but after that, I'm going to be able to start saving.

The tithing/charity needs to start first though. I do tithe, and I do give to charity, but I need to just take the plunge. When I stopped eating meat, I just stopped completely, which works for me. I'm going to write the check for my tithing tonight. No more giving whats in my wallet. I'm really going to start giving ten percent.

I think its up to individuals how much they give. I don't expect anyone to skip meals to tithe. But I'm making enough money now where I need to start sacrificing.

God helped me to stop being white trash, so I need to give back some of what I've been given.

Time to take the plunge.

I had a dream

that I was in a Bible student with my Mormon professor. It was a little odd. I can safely say I have never dreamt about Bible study before. Maybe I'm becoming less of a degenerate.

By the way, Mormons are the nicest people on Earth. Just sayin'.

The Miracle of Compound Interest (This is actually pretty useful)

Some information from my Budgeting class. I know this is dry, and I'll try to keep the equations to a minimum, but this stuff is very important. The main points are that the more we save, the more it adds up, but also that we can really make our money work for society. First, I'll do a couple of personal finance things, then, I'll get into the stuff that really excites me (I know, I'm lame).

Lets say you want to retire when you are 65. You want to live on 100,000 dollars a year for twenty years. (This is just an example. Hopefully we'll all live to be 105 and we won't have to spend 100,000 a year, but this is a good example).

This examples assumes that you can get an 8 percent return on your investment. (The long term stock market average is a 10 percent return). You want to live on your retirement for 20 years. PVA is present value of an annuity, PMT is a payment, PVIFA is present value of an annuity factor.

Set it up as a PVA Problem:
PVA = PMT(PVIFA, 8%, 20 per.)
PVA = $100,000(9.8181)
PVA = $981,810

The main point is you would need right at a million dollars to retire for twenty years at 100,000 dollars a year. Seems pretty unrealistic right? Well lets see the magic of compound interest at work.

There's a lot math involved, which I can go into later if anyone wants, but the point is that if you start when you're 25, and save 2,400 dollars a year until you're 65, you can save right at a million dollars. This comes out to about 160 dollars a month, which really isn't that much.

Even if you haven't started saving, you can still make up a lot of lossed ground. Basically, there's a rule of seven where your money will double every seven years. So if you have 250,000 in savings by the time you're 51, you can still have a cool million by the time you're 65.

All this is very good. You know, you won't be a burden to your family, you won't have to work at McDonald's, you'll be able to help other elderly people, etc. But there is something even more exciting.

Many schools have endowments. Basically, endowments are managed funds that grow while paying out some money for a good, such as a professors salary. The money will keep growing, and you don't have to increase the endowment.

This can also be used for charitable donations.

Maybe you want to have a fund at your church. Maybe you want to give 1,500 a year to help pay elderly care or for the church's nursery, or something else. Well, if you had an endowment of 9,590 dollars, you could run that fund, without adding any money, for eight years. (Compare this to the 12,000 dollars it would cost to fund without an interest bearing account).

The point is that you can stretch out money even further by investing it. I think I've decided on something mixing all my views on charity, money, tithing, saving, and everything else. But that will be another post.

The point is, save as soon as you can. Unless you have debt (low interest student loans don't count). Then pay off your debt, and then save.

Say it Ain't So, T.I.

One of my favorite rappers is in jail. (Seriously). I own all of T.I.'s albumns, even I'm Serious in which he gave the line ....

Pull up in a blue coupe that's damn near clear
And Polo gear that won't drop 'til next year
Be like this here, Cartier frames and Pierre Jouet wristwear
T.I.P. your majesty's right c'here
Notice when I came the dames disappeared, ya lames listen here
To play me, ba-by, hey he,
gone need a track from God featuring Jesus or Jay-Z

Now he's in trouble because his bodyguard ALLEGEDLY tried to buy three machine guns for him. Just because T.I. was convicted of a drug offense in 1998, he's not allowed to have or own guns. Well, its not his, its the body guard's. But aside from this, it raises two important questions:

First, you can buy a machine gun?
Second, what happened to T.I.'s Constitutional rights?

As far as buying a machine gun goes, I don't know why a machine gun's any worse than an assault rifle. I'm pretty sure you can buy an automatic assault rifle (to um, spray cans), so why not a machine gun? Why not a cannon? T.I. should build a moat around his house, have a couple of cannons, some muskets, those Swiss guards that protect the Pope. I'm pretty sure there's more than one guy in Concord who has an arsenal of weaponry. Why can't T.I.'s bodyguard?

The second issue is a little more important. Why is it that a felony causes you to lose your rights? No guns, no voting, I'm pretty sure those are both in the Constitution. We don't disenfranchise the people who vote for Ralph Nader or Pat Buchanan, even though they are clearly idiots. Why are we disenfranchising people who commit crimes? Its not like they can vote while they're serving their sentences. When they get out, they should be allowed to vote.

And why can't they have guns? The Second Ammendment doesn't count? Charlton Heston isn't freaked out about this? I can get in my car, drive drunk through Harris and still buy a gun when I get out of jail.

All I know is, there are two million people in jail right now, the majority are black and I'm pretty sure that has something to do with the disenfranchisement issue. The fact that we have more African American males in jail then in college should be a source of constant shame for us. But its not. Put them in jail, don't let them vote, don't let them have Constitutional rights. If the same proportion of white people were in jail, I think things might be different.

Ron Paul

Please save us Grandpa Paul!


As I drove to my health food store for lunch, also known as Bojangles, I noticed a large group of protesters at the corner of Tryon and Harris. As I passed by, I noticed that they were holding Ron Paul for President signs. One actually said, "Get Crunk for the Constitution!" Oh Ron Paul supporters, you're so silly! I appreciate the effort, but I will not be seduced by Grandpa Paul. Although I probably would be seduced by Mike Huckabee, 'cause he would take me on a date to Applebees and then on to square dancing! Call me Mike!

Anyway, liberals often find themselves strangely seduced by Ron Paul. Not me, of course, because I would not cheat on my party with a Republican, except for Huckabee. And Huckabee would only be a wild one night square dancing fling. (Seriously, call me Mike). Liberals see Ron on Bill Maher and think, "Maybe I should vote for him?" Republicans seem to hate Ron Paul, so liberals think he might be okay. Um, not so much.

But before I get all negative, let me show some support for Ron and the four votes that he's going to take away from the guy with 11 wives, Giuliani.

Things to like about Ron Paul;

1. He wants to end the war in Iraq.
2. In an effort to reduce government waste, he limits his name to two syllables.
3. He could totally when a cage death match with the other stridently anti-war candidate, Dennis Kucinich.
4. He's from Texas. We've gotten a lot of great Presidents out of Texas.
5. Um, he might be related to RuPaul?

Okay, so the main reason people like him is because he's anti-war. Plus he's not scary like Pat Buchanan, our last Libertarian anti-war candidate. In the grand tradition of isolationism, Ron Paul is the latest old white guy to want to go back to the days of the Constitution. Those glorious days when women couldn't vote, African Americans were slaves and Native Americans were getting free small pox blankets. Ann Coulter is fully in support in going back to those glory days!

The problem with Ron Paul is that he's a Libertarian, which means he doesn't think the government should do anything. I could get all philosophical and do the "If men were angels" quote, but I'm just going to list the programs that Ron Paul would like to get rid of.

1. No more Department of Education.
2. No socialized healthcare. Just get a stronger immune system.
3. No welfare. Sorry poor kids, maybe you should have been born to someone with money. Food stamps are for the week!
4. People should opt out of Social Security. Sorry old people, I hope you have a bunch of cash saved under the mattress.
5. No foreign aid. If we're not going to have food stamps for Americans, we're damned sure not going to send corn to starving Somalians.
6. Somehow he's an "unshakable foe of abortion". I'm not sure how this jibes with his Libertarian tendencies, but I do know how it jibes with him getting reelected.
7. No same-sex adoption. Can't have gay people raising kids, obviously.
8. He supports tighter border security. So although we can't provide health care for people, we can build a big, pointless fence.
9. He doesn't support the Federal Reserve increasing the money supply. Basically, the less money in the market, the more each dollar is worth. Which is fantastic! Doesn't everyone want their student loans and mortgages cost more over time, thanks to the glorious benefits of deflation? I know I do!
10. He opposes judicial activism. So if you want more Scalias and Thomases, go ahead and vote for the guy.


The simple fact is that Ron Paul will never be president. And that's fine. He's not supposed to be. He's supposed to broaden the debate. We keep Leprechaun Kucinich around because he broadens the debate, not because we want to live in his anti-trade Communist paradise. Lets just not get seduced by agreeing with the Leprechaun or Grandpa Paul on one issue.

Voting for president is a long term commitment, like a marriage. Don't vote for someone that's really good at one thing but sucks at everything else. You wouldn't marry someone who has a nice car but no moral compass or work ethic. Oh wait, I just figured out who votes for Ron Paul. People I went to high school with. Now things make sense.

Fun Hoketastic Caption

From Sunday Morning QB




Why do you keep acting like we need offense?

I'm not sure what this means

Kanye West has a song featuring Chris Martin from Coldplay. Rascal Flatts has a song featuring Jamie Fox.

I don't know what this means, but I think its good.

One of My Favorite People

Chris Hansen is the best. To Catch a Predator might be the best show on TV. I mean, I'm all for the home improvement shows that build houses for people who need them, and its cool when Oprah gives a bunch of poor people cars, but Chris Hansen gets perverts off the street. If there is a way to deter these people (there probably isn't) then I would think To Catch a Predator would be the way to do it.

Another cool thing about Hansen is this little tidbit I found online. Its from the Center for Women and Families of Eastern Fairfield County....

You can see him on NBC Dateline's "To Catch a Predator," however, on Thursday, May 17, 2007, Chris Hansen will be LIVE from Sacred Heart University's Edgerton Auditorium! Ticket prices are $50 for General Admission and $150 for VIP. The VIP reception will be from 6 - 7:30PM; the event will begin promptly at 7:30PM. All proceeds will benefit The Center for Women and Families!

Keep up the good work, Chris. Raising money for DV and getting perverts arrested. Three cheers for Hansen!

Coultergeist Quotes

"If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine, but I don't think it's going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women. It also makes the point, it is kind of embarrassing, the Democratic Party ought to be hanging its head in shame, that it has so much difficulty getting men to vote for it. I mean, you do see it's the party of women and 'We'll pay for health care and tuition and day care -- and here, what else can we give you, soccer moms?'"

"If I'm going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot."

"I was going to have a few comments about John Edwards but you have to go into rehab if you use the word faggot." --at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference

"These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by griefparrazies.I have never seen people enjoying their husband's deaths so much." -on 9/11 widows who have been critical of the Bush administration

"We need somebody to put rat poisoning in Justice Stevens' creme brulee. That's just a joke, for you in the media."

"Liberals love America like O.J. loved Nicole."

"There are a lot of bad republicans; there are no good democrats."

"We need to execute people like (John Walker Lindh) in order to physically intimidate liberals."

"Whether they are defending the Soviet Union or bleating for Saddam Hussein, liberals are always against America. They are either traitors or idiots."

"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity."

"Liberals are stalwart defenders of civil liberties -- provided we're only talking about criminals."

"The New York Times editorial page is like a Ouija board that has only three answers, no matter what the question. The answers are: higher taxes, more restrictions on political speech and stricter gun control."

"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."

"Usually the nonsense liberals spout is kind of cute, but in wartime their instinctive idiocy is life-threatening."

"We've finally given liberals a war against fundamentalism, and they don't want to fight it. They would, except it would put them on the same side as the United States."

"If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam -- oh wait, he does."

"Press passes can't be that hard to come by if the White House allows that old Arab Helen Thomas to sit within yards of the President."

"The swing voters -- I like to refer to them as the idiot voters because they don't have set philosophical principles. You're either a liberal or you're a conservative if you have an IQ above a toaster."

Silly Ann

Whenever I get depressed at the state of the world, Ann Coulter says something retarded. Its kind of her thing. Here's her fun conversation about Jews.

"We just want Jews to be perfected," she told CNBC talk show host Donny Deutsch. "That's what Christianity is."

Claiming to speak for all Christians, she told Deutsch - who is Jewish - that Jews should discard Judaism and embrace Christianity, which is a "fast track" to God. "We have the fast-track program," she said.

"We believe the Old Testament, but ours is more like Federal Express. You have to obey the laws."

Great job Ann. I mean, its not calling John Edwards a faggot, but you still managed to make a lot of people mad. Great job, Ann.


In a couple of weeks, I'm going to go to an inter-faith prayer vigil for DV victims. Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, etc, all praying for DV victims. I hope God can hear the Jewish prays, seeing as they apparently aren't perfect. What a lunatic.

Oy Vey

I have a friend who used to be a degenerate. Now he's a fundamentalist Christian. I thought there was a balance between completely unuseful to society and lunatic fringe, but apparently not. Anyway, my friends new religious philosophy can be sumed up thusly........

"Yes I used to sin but Jesus has saved me, and everyone else is going to Hell!"

I don't really think of things in terms of sin. I don't want to get into some huge list of what's wrong and what's right. I don't think being gay is a sin. I'm not a big fan of people who eat pork. I think its limiting to think of God as someone who rains down fire upon those who come up on the wrong end of the sin checklist.

I think we're supposed to work hard and do the best we can. I'm pretty sure that some gay guy who actually helps people is better than some self righteous person who's slept with half of Raleigh. Maybe I'm being selective. I probably am. But I think that it matters how you treat other people, not how well you follow Leviticus.

Anyway, I actually had this conversation with my friend:

Me: So you think everyone else is going to Hell?
Him: Yes. If you don't believe in God, you go to Hell.
Me: Well most of the other religions believe in God. Are the Muslims going to Hell?
Him: Yes. Because they worship Allah.
Me: Um, Allah is just Arabic for God.
Him: Well they worship Muhammad.
Me: No they don't. Muhammad is just a prophet.
Him: Well they're going to Hell.
Me: Okay. That makes sense.

Next conversation.........

Me: So you think the Bible is literal?
Him: Yes.
Me: You know you're eating bacon right now, don't you?
Him: That's not literal. That's the Old Testament.
Me: So the Old Testament doesn't count?
Him: Only what Jesus said counts.
Me: Didn't Jesus die for everyone?
Him: Yes, but you go to Hell if you don't believe in him.
Me: So Jesus is merciful?
Him: Yes.
Me: But he sends people to Hell?
Him: Yes.
Me: So is He merciful or not?
Him: Both.


And here's my favorite conversation. Believe in Hell or don't. Believe in demons or don't. Believe in miracles or don't. Believe in Angels or don't. Believe that God works directly in people's lives or don't. I may disagree or agree with any of those. I don't think poorly of anyone who does or does not believe in any of those things. But do not try to convince me of the need for SUBMISSION.

Me: You know I have a women's studies minor, right?
Him: Its not that women are less. They just need to submit.
Me: So they have to do whatever you say?
Him: No. I talk to her about things, but I make the final decision.
Me: So she has to do whatever you say?
Him: No, its not like that. I'm just the leader. I have my role. She has her role.
Me: And her role is to do whatever you say.
Him: People need to have their roles.
Me: What if she's smarter than you?
Him: That's not the point. She's not less than me. She just has to listen to me.
Me: You're a moron.
Him: No. You're just getting caught up on the word "Submission".
Me: No, you're just a moron.


I will not sit by and accept someone wanting to limit half the population to being submissive, second tier citizens. Marriage is either a partnership or it isn't. Having one person rule and the other submit is not a partnership. It is a dictatorship and it is disgusting.

Don't say submission around me. I will lose my mind. Even more than strip clubs. I know too many smart female lawyers and smart female professors and too many borderline retarded men.

Makes me so angry!

Pop's B-day

Apparently yesterday was my father's birthday. Somehow I forgot to get him a card. Maybe because I haven't seen him since 1998. I don't hate him or anything. I just think he's a douche who I haven't seen in a decade. If he was in Charlotte and asked me if I wanted to do something with him, I'd agree. As long as he wanted to suck my balls. I mean, I'm down for that.

My older brothers, on the other hand, seemed to genuinely want to spend time with him. They seemed to genuinely miss him. They actually made a comment about going to a strip club with my father. That is like the epitome of white trash. Going to a strip club with your deadbeat father? This is something you want to do? Has the world gone insane?

There's an idea called the social contract. The basic idea is that without the government, people will do whatever they want. I forget what that state is called. Its either the social wilderness or Alabama. The point is that without the social contract, if I want what you have, I will try to kill you and take your stuff. Or you'll try to kill me if I have something you want. Anarchy, social wilderness, mob rule, Alabama, its all the same.

In exchange for giving up my ability to kill, rape, and pillage, the government makes sure that others do not kill, rape and pillage. The government provides services and security, and in exchange, we don't kill everyone we don't like. Also, whenever the government fails, citizens have the right to kill the people in the government and make a new one. This sanctioned revolution is brought to us by the NRA and Thomas Jefferson.

So we have a social contract. This is generally accepted. But we also have a FAMILIAL contract, which is not as accepted. Basically, I believe that if you completely fail your role, I know longer need to accept you as a family member. Its not personal, its just practical.

If you are a father, you are supposed to provide guidance, love, protection, etc, to your children. If you are a mother, you are supposed to provide guidance, love, protection, etc, to your children. If you decide not to live with your children, you forfeit that. If you decide to be a lunatic, bi-polar woman who emotionally abuses your children, then you forfeit that.

Its not that I don't believe in forgiveness, its that I do believe in failure. If you fail your job, you get fired. If you fail your tests in school, you get flunked. Its just the way it is. Performance based. Its a beautiful idea.

So I'm not going to spend a bunch of time wondering if my father is having a good birthday. I'm not going to spend a bunch of time wishing I could go to Baby Dolls with my degenerate father (not that I go to Baby Dolls with my degenerate brothers. Love you guys). I'm going to fulfill my part of the social contract, my part of the familial contract and I'm going to do my best to fulfill my part of my spiritual contract.

I don't need to think about some loser in Nebraska. I have a Father. That's good enough for me.

And I used to think "I want to have kids and be a better father than my father". No more. First of all, that's a pretty low standard. Secondly, I'm not going to judge myself based on other people. I'm so sick of this rush to the bottom, this at least I'm better than person A mentality.

I want to be the best father of my hypothetical children that I can be. I want to be the best at my job that I can be. I want to be the best hypothetical husband that I can be. I want to hold myself to an actual standard, not to the least possible requirements.

I'm not worried about going to a strip club with my father. I'm worried about being a good man in the eyes of my Father.

The earthly one gave me next to nothing. The heavenly one gave me grace and guidance. The earthly one, once again, can suck my balls.

Degenerate Update

Well, the police finally came and told our upstairs neighbor to stop doing/selling drugs. The guy actually stopped, as far as I know. At least I can open my window without smelling weed. And I haven't heard about him selling drugs out of his truck. But apparently, he's graduated to new crimes.

The day after the police came, there was a bunch of trash in front of our apartment door. Whatever. A little odd, but who cares? We cleaned it up, and moved on. If the degenerate wants to toss trash near our door, we'll deal with it. The next day, though, was horrible.

Hunter went out to his car, and noticed that the entire driver's side had been keyed. Someone, I'm assuming the degenerate, slashed through the paint twice. Now Hunter's going to have to get his car fixed because some moron has no respect for other people's property.

Who does stuff like this? How are you going to be that much of a degenerate? Get a job, be a man. Don't key someone's car when you're the one that is in the wrong. I'm so sick of people being unable to accept personal responsibility.

It just makes me appreciate cops a lot more. I didn't as much when I was younger. Part of my white trash upbringing was to blame everyone else including the police. But the fact that the police constantly have to deal with people who are, for all intents and purposes, predators, makes me respect them a lot more. Much love to CMPD. No love for the degenerate that lives upstairs.

Please Don't Be This Stupid

My hometown of Concord, North Carolina, has prospered despite losing textile jobs, and more recently, having the large Phillip Morris manufacturing plant phased out. Now, they have taken on Lowe's Motor Speedway, which brings in hundreds of millions of dollars every year. In addition, since most of the race fans are from other parts of the country, LMS brings in hundreds of millions of TOURIST dollars. Meaning, the city gets money without actually having to provide services.

The Concord City Council does not want to let the Speedway's owner build a drag strip. Why? Because it would cause noise pollution. Um, haven't you seen the giant speedway, and the freakin' highway that goes through that part of town? Are you kidding me? Did I miss something? You want to risk millions of dollars because home owners are upset about the noise? What kind of person builds a house next to a speedway anyway?

Here's the article.

LMS owner could file suit against Concord Monday 1:02 PMRelated Stories
LMS owner threatens to move speedway

Rowan County ready to welcome LMS
CONCORD, N.C. -- As NASCAR fans begin arriving on their pilgrimage to Concord for the Bank of America 500, many are wondering if this could be one of the last times they'll see a race in Concord.

Sources close to the speedway said owner Bruton Smith could file a lawsuit against the city Monday in his continuing struggle to build a drag strip near the Lowe's Motor Speedway.

Smith has threatened to move his business elsewhere if the city will not let him build the drag strip.

If LMS moved it would be a blow to race fans like Jim Bowden, who calls LMS his slice of heaven.

"I got goose bumps the other day when I pulled in here," he said.

Bowden drove 18 hours from Ontario, Canada to get a front row camping spot for the upcoming race. He brought food, friends and money -- plenty of money. He laughed when WCNC asked him how much he would end up spending on the trip. He said he'll spend more than $1,000 easily. His friend Paul Turner gave us a rundown.

"We eat in Concord, shop in Concord. Spend quite a bit at the malls," he explained.

Many fans are just learning about the controversy between the city and Smith. They said moving Lowe's out of Concord would be like moving Fenway Park out of Boston -- unthinkable.

"I think it would become a ghost town. It would be nothing," said Bowden.

Fans help drive the local economy bringing money and memories of a track they loved since 1959.

Neighbors said they don’t want the drag strip to be built because of the noise it will create. We've contacted Smith's attorney, but he would not comment on whether or not they will file suit Monday.

I'm a Narc

My upstairs neighbor insists on smoking pot constantly. To each his own, up to a certain extent. However, when you smoke so much that I can't open my window without smelling your weed, I'm going to report you. I would have just reported him to the apartment complex, but my other neighbor told me he's actually selling drugs out of his apartment.

Sorry, I'm not going to have some degenerate selling drugs in my neighborhood. His neighbor upstairs is a single mom with a kid. I don't need some little kid thinking this is acceptable.

So I narced on the a-hole. He's going to get a visit from the Charlotte Mecklenburg Police Department and I hope they put him in one of our overcrowded jails. Get a job. Jerk.

Silly Police Officer, Don't Mess With Academics

Part of the fun of graduate school and working with professors all day is hearing the various stories they tell. Although it is fun to hear about how Professor A thinks Professor B is a blowhard, I need a little more. I need a story about how you abuse your power for evil rather than good.

On that note. Professor {NAME REDACTED} was attending a conference in Syracuse with Professor {NAME REDACTED}. Professor {NAME REDACTED} number one is a budgeting expert. Professor {NAME REDACTED} number two is a constitutional law professor. Um, keep in mind the constitutional law professor in mind.

The two professors had a couple of beers and decided to drive home. (Fun fact, the bar was called the Wayward Wench). Although not drunk, they were driving down the road after midnight, going 30 in a 30 mph zone. They were tempting the local cop to pull them over, they had to know that.

Sure enough, the cop pulls them over. Both professors start laughing because they know they can't go to jail. They're Academics Gone Wild! They will not bow to common sense! They must prove the cop wrong! They didn't get PhD's and intend not to use them! (Note that they did not break any actual law. They were just out past midnight and a cop decided to harass them. Also note that they will not go quietly into that good night. Because they are Academics Gone Wild!!!!!)

Local cop turns on his sirens and pulls them over. He walks up to the drivers door and asks for their license and registration.

{NAME REDACTED} Constitutional Law Professor: Um, first you have to give me a reason why you pulled me over.
Local cop: Sir, step out of the car.
Constitutional Law Professor: Um, no. I don't have to.
Local cop: Sir, step out of the car.
Constitutional Law Professor: I must respectfully decline officer.
Second Professor laughs hysterically while this is going on.

So the local cop does the only logical thing. HE CALLS FOR BACKUP. So now there are FOUR cops cornering two professors, who by now are giggling like school girls. Why so many cops? Because they must stop the Academics Gone Wild!

Don't mess with political science professors. They don't care. They do what they want. They'll spend a night in jail to prove a point. Because they are (say it with me now) Academics Gone Wild!



The moral of the story, don't give cops grief. And to the police, um, read the Constitution.