Reason No. 3

not to vote for John McCain.

“I'm afraid it's a very hard struggle, particularly given the situation on the Iraq/Pakistan border,"

Good point, John. Also, McCain is worried about illegal immigration along the Canada/Mexico border and trade along the Spain/Germany border.

And foreign policy is supposed to be his strong suit? Que?

They Took Our Jobs!

It's time to invade Belgium! InBev, which is surely run by potheads and/or homos, has bought Anheuser-Busch makers of Budweiser. Now that the Belgians have our superior drinkability, all is lost. Its about time to surrender to our Dutch overlords and start building windmill houses. We're all going to have to wear wooden shoes.......

But wait! There's always Miller! That's a good American beer! And Coors Light too! The Rockies, man, the Rockies!

What? Miller Coors is owned by SABMiller? Miller and Coors were bought by South Africans? The same guys who own Miller make Grolsch, Peroni and Pilsner Urquel?

The room is spinning. Up is down, down is up. Isn't there an American beer made and owned by Americans? Yeah, these qwars. No, we can't do that! We can't drink Sam Adams. There's wheat and hops and flavor in there. There has to be a crap tastic, cheap beer still made in America.

Oh there is. Its Pabst! Mmm, PBR, Old Milwauke, Colt 45. These beers are impervious to foreign takeover. No self respecting Belgian mega-conglomerate is going to spend more than five dollars on acquiring Schlitz. Stay strong, America! They will leave our crappiest beers to us for ever!

Mmm, Schlitz Malt Liquor! Tastes like Freedom!

John McCain on Viagra

This is not awkward at all! Promise

Things that Drive Liberals Crazy Part 2

Joe Lieberman.

Typing that name is causing an involuntary twitch, but we will perservere. What could possibly drive us crazy about Joe Lieberman? Is it the giant failure of a race that he ran in 2000? No. Is it his endorsement of John McCain? No. Is it the fact that he endorsed John McCain after running for Vice President eight years ago? Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and in this clip, Joe claims that Hamas, Hezbollah and Iran want Obama to be President. Thanks Joe!

Things that Drive Liberals Crazy Part 1

The word "Democrat candidate".

As in:

We have the Republican candidate and the Democrat candidate.

Or:

The Republican Party stands for God and Country while the Democrat party stands for Homos and Satan.

If your ears bleed when you hear this, and your brain screams "Its DEMOCRATIC!" then you are a liberal partisan. We now have to track down some Republican strategist on CNN who won't call us by the proper name.

The Concession

She was very self congradulatory, which is a little odd, but she gave the necessary "Yes We Can" soundbite. Was it a gracious speech? Um, no. But HRC didn't talk about how she should have won, etc. She did what she needed to do.

Good riddance.

Only 42 minutes late

Senator Clinton is supposed to give her concession speech to Senator Obama, and she just arrived. Nothing personal about being 42 minutes late. She surely isn't trying to upstage Senator Obama.

Still, it appears as though this nightmare is about to end.